Here's the solution to the embarrassing lack of top-order grit in New Zealand cricket. Get on a plane, go to Australia, round up every Sheffield Shield opening batsman who is in their 30s with no hope of making the Aussie team. Round up a few from just below that level for good measure. Check to see if they have Kiwi wives, mums, grandfathers, etc (manufacture one, if necessary). Pour through the genealogy ... sorry, whakapapa. With luck, one of them will have a tenuous Kiwi link and fancy the chance to show the baggy green selectors what they've missed out on. Kia ora, cobbers!

Ras for 2011!
The moment the Springboks went from champs to chumps is clear. We know their Achilles heel! It's Ras Dumisani! SuperShorts supports the campaign to get Dumisani out to New Zealand for 2011 to sing the anthem before every Bok World Cup match. Join us:

Dr Ivan who?
The All Whites are huge now, right? Well kind of. Ivan Vicelich got to play Grand Marshal for the iconic Auckland Santa Parade last Sunday.

The honour was lost on those standing near our roving reporter, however. "Who is that?" one lady asked. The question was followed by a long pause before one brave soul said, "I think he's on Shortland Street."

No 7 cut
Watching replays of the All Blacks v England, SuperShorts was struck by an odd thing. In the 77th minute, with a scrum about to pack down, the camera catches Richie McCaw glancing upwards, checking his image in the big screen and fixing his hair. Unlikely to have happened In Colin Meads' Day.

Club v car
Tiger Woods joins illustrious company. When Nick Faldo split up with golfing student Brena Cepelak she took to his Porsche with what Faldo recalled was "either a nine-iron or a wedge".

Craig Bellamy allegedly swung a golf club at former Liverpool teammate John Arne-Riise after the Norwegian refused to join in a karaoke session. And Jack Nicholson put his two-iron through a Mercedes windscreen after he got cut off in LA traffic back in 1994.

Unfortunate timing
On the day the IRB named the Boks the team of the year they lost their fourth match from five. Call us old fashioned, but Teams of the Year shouldn't lose to plodding English club sides.

The good people at Surf Lifesaving New Zealand want you to be ready to have a great time at the beach and be safe in the water. So they're giving away 10 National Jandal Day prize packs. Inside you'll find: Havaiana jandals, Le Tan sunscreen, a giant inflatable Havaiana lilo, a SLS inflatable jandal, jandal beach bag, and a toy BP Rescue Boat. Email your name, phone number and postal address to to go in the draw to win. Put "Surf's up" in the subject line. And, of course, always swim between the flags.

Good week for...
Steve Tew

After decades of plundering the Pacific Islands' best talent, the NZRU got to play the good guy, arguing for the release of ex-All Blacks to turn out for the islands. Better still, the IRB rejected the idea, so we won't actually get belted by Jerry Collins in 2011.

Bad week for...
David Moyes

The Everton manager still felt like a winner after the Liverpool derby. "I don't feel we've come off the pitch losers," he said. The bloke who operated the scoreboard felt differently, clocking up 2-0 in the Reds' favour.

The number

Spent on players' agents by Premier League clubs from October 2008 to September 2009.