KEY POINTS:
A good week for ...
Good heavens. The RFU has teamed up with Mills & Boon to launch a series of eight steamy touchline tales in a bid to attract a female fanbase to Twickers.
"Rugby has always been a game enjoyed by women," said RFU licensing and marketing manager Jane Barron, optimistically. "A partnership with Mills & Boon is a fantastic way to encourage even more women and their families to get involved with the game."
Here's an extract from The Prince's Waitress Wife, which describes events after a commoner's saucy escapades with a wealthy toff are shown on the big screen at Twickenham.
"Her voice rose, her cheeks were scarlet, and her reluctant glance towards the stadium ended in a moan of disbelief.
"'Oh God, I can't believe this, my hair is all over the place and my bottom looks huge, and - everyone is looking.
"His eyes on the pitch, Prince Casper watched with cool detachment as his friend, the England captain, hit a post with a drop-goal attempt.
"'More importantly, you just cost England three points.'"
Ye Gods.
The Louis Vuitton series starting in Auckland in two weeks will be well worth a look, if only for the sight of Oracle's boats with silver ferns on them. A nice thought.
Top effort from the Gangliest One of All, Peter Crouch, who committed a double-rebound handball defending his own goal line against Bristol in the fourth-round FA Cup match on Wednesday, then ran down the other end to score 17 seconds later.
Another top effort in the Middle East, where the Palestine Football Association has been awarded Fifa's first annual Development Award for bringing international football to the West Bank.
A bad week for ...
Florida kept a Democrat out of the Oval Office in 2000, but this takes the cake. Congressman Cliff Stearns, of the Sunshine State, asked Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to reschedule votes last Thursday and Friday so he could watch two Florida teams contest the Bowl Championship Series national football title. He penned his request on behalf of the many congressmen eager to watch the game, though, oddly, he was the only signatory. The request was speedily rejected which is surprising, given that the vote was only some trifling matter to do with certifying the Electoral College without which Barack Obama cannot take over the presidency. Stearns, in case you wondered, is a Republican.
Nice people those Aussies. As Australia bagged a six-wicket Twenty20 win against South Africa on Tuesday some wag in the crowd assisted matters by shining a laser light into the eyes of Wayne Parnell as he attempted a tricky catch in the outfield.
TVNZ has taken every opportunity this week to remind us that they are broadcasting the tennis from Stanley St "live and exclusive". What they fail to mention is that they stop broadcasting the tennis whenever Coronation Street is on.
Tough luck if you were one of the cricket followers last Saturday trying to figure out why Jesse Ryder had been dropped from the team and you had no access to a newspaper. The television commentators were at pains to avoid mention of Ryder's indiscretion. At one point Scott Styris suggested that Ryder's (mysterious) absence was a good thing as it gave the selectors a chance to see some new talent. Terrific - let's send him out on the piss more often!
New Zealand cricket has only itself to blame for Ryder's midweek booze-up. In the aftermath of his Christchurch booze-up, the lesson he learned was that making the right apologetic noises will get you out of any bother.
