To the question of what animals could survive a nuclear holocaust, the answer is nominally cockroaches, scorpions, fruit flies and some wood-boring beetles. We may also be able to add the name of Fifa boss Sepp Blatter.
This guy could survive anything - and without even a hint of shamehe was at the head of the shipping line as the ship of corruption sailed into the most polluted waters yet. Even if Blatter's hand is unsullied and not tied to the oiled palms of others, the concept of corporate accountability is clearly not a priority in the Blattersphere.
He was yesterday remarkably re-elected as president of Fifa after the most shattering blow yet taken by the world's most popular sport. His success in seeking a fifth term was expected, even after the arrest of seven current Fifa officials in dawn raids at a luxury Zurich hotel at the behest of US authorities. They are among 14 people charged with racketeering, wire fraud and money laundering conspiracies.
The US are seeking extradition to face charges they conspired to solicit and receive more than $210 million in bribes and kickbacks, in exchange for support of marketing executives who agreed to make the illegal payments. Those charged face up to 20 years in jail if found guilty.
Fifa head offices in Zurich were also raided by police in a fresh probe into the awarding of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to Russia and Qatar respectively.
A man walks in front of a Fifa building. Photo / AP
The moral accusation is clear: people in charge of the game allegedly siphoned off millions which could have and should have gone into the game. Even if they are not found guilty, there has been other evidence from investigative journalists and others that Fifa is a corrupt organisation. It seems impossible to fix that with Blatter still at the helm.
The immediate comparison is Lance Armstrong and the way his doping confirmed the systemic use of performance enhancing drugs. World cycling is still recovering, innocents are still lumped in with the guilty, credibility is damaged.
Yet there was Blatter at the election, turning up with the 51-year-old woman in a sexy red dress said to be his girlfriend. She is the wife of a well-known Swiss businessman but the man himself has insisted to media that she and Blatter are just good friends. They chatted and smiled happily. Crisis, what crisis?
In the middle of this sad farce, some dark humour - Uefa boss Michel Platini exhorted Blatter to resign. Platini used to be one of the best and most stylish players in the world. There may never have been a better judge of a pass - Platini was a creative player of subtlety and vision. As a football boss, he is a blunderbuss.
With the world hollering for Blatter's head, Platini suddenly found some backbone. He never before offered Blatter anything but support but now ... advice. People have had enough, he said, completely ignoring the irony that, after years of allegations, innuendo and some scandals in football about which he did precisely nothing, Platini was suddenly a Man Of Action.
Blatter couldn't resign. It would be acceptance that all this happened on his watch. There is, too, the feeling that the 79-year-old clings to his power as if it was some sort of life-giving energy - that without it he might descend into instant decrepitude, like Dorian Gray.
He certainly doesn't need the money. His salary, with all its bonuses and invisible add-ons, is said to be somewhere around the $14 million mark. That may be why the trail of corruption does not lead to his door. Money isn't the honey - it's power, recognition, fame, the king who enjoys the devotion of his subjects and whose armour deflects all shafts.
The election wasn't an election so much as an exchange of favours (Mafia metaphors are common when it comes to discussing Fifa) and self-preservation. If King Sepp is still in power, he will protect us ...
The key to unravelling all this may be in the hands of Fifa's sponsors. Football's world body is said to enjoy $2.15 billion of revenue from sponsors every four years. They include Coca Cola, adidas, Hyundai, Visa and Gazprom (a Russian sponsor who came on board when that country was awarded the 2018 World Cup). Coke alone is said to have provided $620 million over a recent eight-year period.
There are two options for the sponsors - who are all issuing predictable, PR-department press releases deploring things. They can pack up their wallets and walk or they can stay but insist change, like a Fifa without Blatter and without the voting system that feeds his power, must be tied to their cheques.
That is the opportunity for football. The game itself is in good heart; the administration appears rotten.
The sponsors can fix that and do their own brands good by showing they are not just there for brand recognition and the wealth of shareholders.
So if Fifa can't bring themselves to get rid of the man whose name is an almost perfect anagram for 'perp stable', maybe the sponsors can.
