KEY POINTS:
The sensational revelation New Zealand cricketers who sign with the as yet, non-existent Indian Cricket League could face lawsuits has sent shivers down the spines of former players and administrators.
Leaving aside the shock and horror that professional cricketers might try to maximise earnings from playing cricket - a scandal up there with commercial airlines flying profitable charter flights - opportunistic lawyers are queuing up to take on all manner or retroactive lawsuits.
They have spotted, I understand, all manner of breaches in contracts and activities that could be described as "not in the best interests of New Zealand Cricket".
Nathan Astle and Hamish Marshall can expect a notice of litigation to pop through their letterboxes at any minute.
Astle's retirement just weeks before the World Cup was hardly in the best interests of New Zealand cricket. Marshall high-tailing it to England? Clear breach of contract there, you'd have to say.
But it doesn't end there.
Word has filtered through that the heroes of the 80s are a particularly litigious bunch. Several are now planning a lawsuit to recover second-hand parts from the infamous Alfa Romeo (or was it an Audi?) won by Sir Richard Hadlee but claimed by all his team-mates for winning Cricketer of the Year. Apparently you can still fetch a decent price for a vintage Alfa carburettor.
There is some loose talk that Hadlee might retroactively be sued for shortening his run-up, but he is likely to win that on appeal.
All those that worked county benefit years around New Zealand tours to England - therefore having minimal input to the actual tour while pursuing independent earning opportunities - face imminent house arrest unless they donate all monies earned to NZC's Clutching At Straws Foundation.
The entrepreneurial Stewie Dempster is having his accounts examined posthumously and any indiscretion could see him expunged from all New Zealand Cricket-sanctioned almanacs.
Glenn Turner, now a New Zealand selector, is understood to be hiding somewhere between Milton and Moneymore while the exact circumstances of his six-year absence from his national team, which was hardly in the national side's best interests, is fully investigated. All case notes have been deemed sub judice.
Andy Caddick, the Christchurch-born England international, is facing extradition for treason.
In a more oblique test case, the like of which is threatening to swamp the courts, Martin Snedden, as a former NZC boss, could find himself in the dock for breaking his contract with the New Zealand public that he should provide summer entertainment for the masses. In the past 30 months New Zealand has hosted seven test matches, all against those two drawcards Sri Lanka and West Indies, potentially denying NZers their basic right to watch good cricket.
Don't get me started on Johnny Bracewell. Let's just say I hope he has a decent QC at hand.
Be warned, although this tale is about to end, there is no end to this nonsense in sight. And, hey, if you don't think this is justified, or in the best interests of cricket, you know what to do? SUE ME.
