"As a kid hunger became so normal, I didn't know I could be warm or feel full from a meal.
I don't know how I survived my childhood."
These heart-rending words describe a Kiwi upbringing of despair; one endured by a New Zealand woman, now herself a mother.
The woman, who tells her story anonymously, was speaking as KidsCan, a charity helping to alleviate the effects of hardship on children, is calling for donations to help with its work.
She has decided to sponsor a child through KidsCan, so at least one youngster won't have to go through what she experienced growing up: "It's been in my heart for 20 years to sponsor a kid. But I thought 'I really can't go offshore, there's so much need here'."
Reflecting on her younger days she says she has vivid memories of a loaf of bread turning up.
"My brother and I sat there and ate the entire thing. I remember eating swedes and turnips - grown for sheep and cattle - because we were starving; I remember one winter our feet froze to our jandals because we had no shoes.
"As a kid, I didn't know life could be any different. Hunger became so normal; it was like something's missing, but you don't know what. At lunchtimes at school I'd sit there and watch the other kids and think 'why have they got that and I haven't?' I couldn't get my head around it."
She says she was always in trouble at school, couldn't concentrate because she was so hungry and was always made to do lines: "I must not do this….."
"But that's what kids do when they have no food. They're insecure, they play up. As a kid, being told I was a 'stupid Māori' I believed I was never going to get anywhere. I knew I couldn't go to university – I wanted to study psychology – because coming from a state house there was no way I could pay.
"There was no point in getting good grades because I couldn't do anything with them – poverty killed that dream."
But, she says, she had a fierce work ethic. Her first job, at age 10, was a milk round; she also worked in a dairy and peeled potatoes in a fish and chip shop: "I was earning money so I could buy some chips and I realised if I could earn $5 a week, I had a tiny bit of autonomy and there was a chance things could change."
Leaving home at 15, her first proper job was in finance: "I worked damn hard. It turns out I'm not stupid. I went overseas and ended up in a global IT firm, sometimes flying to three countries a week.
"But 99 per cent of my colleagues had one or two degrees and I always felt so much less than everybody else, like I didn't fit, like I was just faking it" she says. "And that's not a great feeling when you're speaking at conferences. The shitty childhood stays with you.
"But I developed a really high resiliency and tolerance for life. If things don't go my way I think 'well that's just life' and I move on. It's also given me some cool mantras I use with my kids – 'never give up'."
As a mum she says she's had to relearn how things should be: "Really basic stuff like what's a normal meal portion because when you haven't had food you don't know.
"I'm over the top about food and clothes with my kids. Their plates are heaving with fruit, salad and veggies. At school teachers' laugh that I've put so many clothes on my son he's sweating. You're not going to be cold on my watch."
She says she chose KidsCan because "up North it looks just like my childhood. I know my tiny sponsorship is not much right now while I'm studying. I have $800 a week and rent is $530, so I need to be very creative. But it's a priority to let kids know they are seen.
"If KidsCan had existed when I was at school, I would have felt seen," she says. "When you grow up in poverty you feel invisible. You really feel like you don't exist, like you're a shell, you feel like no one cares.
"But give a child food, a jacket and some shoes they suddenly have a tiny bit of mana, a little bit of belief in themselves.
"If I can help one kid have a warmer winter and not experience what I went through, it's a no-brainer."
Children growing up in poverty have a much higher chance of succeeding in life when they have everything they need to thrive at school. Show a Kiwi kid in need that they do matter and gift them the mana they deserve by becoming a monthly donor.
If you can please donate at KidsCan.org.nz because with your help kids can do anything.