More true confessions
1. When it's my birthday I instinctively remember who didn't wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. I make sure I don't wish them one when it's theirs.
. When I was about 14 and living in the UK, I realised that 10p would buy me a three-second phone call to the USSR. I used to go out from school at lunchtime to one of the nearby telephone boxes, call a random number in Moscow, and when someone answered yell, "KGB! KGB! STALIN!" and put the phone down.
3. I sometimes set off driving before my windscreen is fully de-misted.
4. My wife insists on me making her a cup of tea in front of the telly, which I really can't be bothered with, so I've been making it progressively weaker over time, hoping she'll stop. She now says she only likes her tea barely brewed. I've forgotten who's trolling who at this point.
5. I prefer being on my own and to stop friends and family trying to matchmake me I invented a "woman with kids" who I spend time with when she's free. This has been going on so long that some of them are now convinced that they've met her.
How not to get a job
"We were hiring for one role at my company and I was already running late due to a significant amount of roadworks. I took a detour to try to bypass the traffic and at one T-junction, a couple of miles away from my office, I admittedly jumped out a little hastily which aggravated an oncoming driver who was going faster than he should have been. The driver in question proceeded to beep, flash and tailgate me to show his annoyance for the rest of my journey into work, until it became clear we had both just pulled into the site carpark. It got more awkward when I got out of the car and he just sat in his. I went inside and a couple of minutes later was told our first interviewee had arrived. Yup, it was him. It was an awkward interview, particularly when I asked him how he managed pressure or stress. And no — he didn't get the job!" (Via Daily Mail)