I had to go to England for a few days this week. It's always a good barometer of American sentiment and interests, actually, to see what the customs guys talk about when you arrive back in the US. I queued up on Thursday night. The first thing the guy asked me when I saw I was a journalist... "Oh, I bet you are loving the Trump show!"
The weird thing is, despite Donald Trump's success in the polls so far, he's not actually the most ridiculous candidate. They had some polls done this week in North Carolina... in Minnesota and in Iowa... which showed a candidate by the name of Deez Nuts. D-E-E-Z N-U-T-S doing remarkably well.
Deez Nuts pulled 7 percent in Iowa. 8 percent in Minnesota and a crazy 9 per cent in North Carolina, making the candidate the highest polling independent candidate for president in 20 years.
Well he would be, except as you might've guessed.. Deez Nuts was having us on. He's actually a fifteen year old high school student called Brady from a town in Iowa called Wallingford with a staggering population according to the last census of 197 people.
It turns out, all you need to do to get on the roster as an official candidate for president is fill out a form. You don't need ID. You don't need to be voting age. You don't even need to be real.
I gotta say, a name like Deez Nuts reminds me of the good old days of the McGillicuddy Serious Party, who Wikipedia reminds me once put up a dog as a candidate in Hobson. They wanted to abolish money and replace it with chocolate fish and raise the school leaving age from 15 to 65.
And the funny thing is.. even if you thought Deez Nuts was mad.. things could be even more absurd. There are 585 candidates for President. Along with Donald Trump and Hillary Rodham Clinton, is a candidate named Buddy the Cat. President Emperor Caesar could have a tough time if he is elected President, given his name is already President he'd be President President.
And the next time I land in the U.S and the guy at customs asks me what stories I'll be covering, I'll look him straight in the eye. Not a hint of sarcasm or stupor on my face. And inform him I've been graciously sent from New Zealand to cover the fledgling campaign of Presidential Candidate Sydney's Voluptuous buttocks.
Jack Tame is on Newstalk ZB Saturdays, 9am-midday.