The following is a paid political advertisement on behalf of the Party Party: Global warming, worldwide financial turmoil, tumbling house prices, petrol prices doing whatever petrol prices are doing this week, politicians promising everything and meaning nothing ...
If ever there has been a time to party it is now. It is time to party hard and party long. It is the time for a party New Zealand can be proud of.
It is time for the Party Party.
The Party Party is the only political party, this election, which is telling it like it really is. We're not here to bribe you with tax cuts, we're not here to get you to trust us, we're not here to play the race card or even save the planet one tree at a time.
The Party Party is here, as our name suggests, to party. Sure, this is politics and this is an election - a time when, traditionally, many lies are told - but let's be honest here: New Zealand is a small country.
In global terms we are but a blip on the radar. So, realistically, what can we do when a global financial tsunami coming out of Wall St hits us? We can party, is what we can do.
Our opponents have accused us of being the "head in the sand party". They say that our response to everything is "so let's party". They say we have no policies other than "then we might as well party". To those accusations, we say: "Yeah, so what? Have you got a problem with that?" New Zealanders are party people.
We, as a nation, know how to party. We are among the best party-goers in the world. We always bring a bottle and, often, a plate. The partying spirit is strong in our blood. And now it is time to formally bring partying into politics. And vice-versa. The time to party vote the Party Party is now.
Our opponents in this election, some of whom quite frankly wouldn't know a good time if it bit them on the bum, call us "naive", "simpletons" and "hoons", but the Party Party, far from being the bunch of lazy no-gooders we're portrayed to be, is actually the party best equipped to govern in these MMP times. This is because forming a government under MMP is like throwing a party, and throwing parties is what the Party Party does best.
We know and understand that whenever you throw a party there will always be people who turn up who you don't actually want there: the dodgy uncle no one likes and who never gets invited but keeps showing up anyway, the vegan who turns up with the undrinkable homemade feijoa wine then spends the whole party telling everyone how many animals died to make the sausage rolls, or the office bore who spends the party lecturing everyone else on how much everything costs and what a waste of money it is to buy the good corn chips and what is wrong with wine in casks when, on a dollar per litre basis, wine in bottles just doesn't make sound fiscal sense.
All these people, no matter how dodgy or dull, are welcome at a Party Party MMP party, because our motto is "it doesn't matter how you get to the party, it's the state you're in when you leave that matters".
Under a Party Party coalition government, as long as you bring a bottle and check your attitude at the door you're more than welcome. Come on in, help yourself to the cheeseboard while we crank up the music and get this party on the road.
A Party Party coalition government party is a party that rocks the house until the neighbours call noise control. So come on, New Zealand, you know you want to party - and today, November 8, you're invited to a Party Party party, at a polling place near you.
It's time for every eligible Kiwi voter to send an RSVP to the rest of the world; to send them a message that while they're all having an early night and worrying about waking up with a fiscal hangover, that down here, at the bottom of the world, there is a little country that isn't afraid to act irresponsibly in the face of calamity and to dance on the coffee-table of global politics, with the lampshade of defiance on our heads.
Yes, New Zealand, it's up to you to party vote the Party Party and fight for your right to party!