What the Helvetica?! Welcome to the planet Hipster

Welcome to the planet "Hipster", a world that encompasses the ideas of apathy and irony.

There is confusion as to how a person would find themselves a "native" of such a planet, as even its occupants find themselves alien.

The term hipster has been said to derive from the words "hop" (referring to the use of opium) and "hipi", which means "to open one's eyes", which is an interesting thought, considering they don't seem to look as far as the latest fashion trends.

It's all in the attitude. To be a hipster is to adopt an indifferent, uninterested, unmoved, unresponsive and generally apathetic view of life, basically meaning they just don't care.

They (ironically) must reject conformity and defy mainstream society as well as social conventions.

For example: Man: "Are you a hipster?" Hipster: "NO!"

This demonstrates a hipster's typical need to reject conformity, when in doing so they are a stuck-in-the-mud among many others.

A bolus of irony: the inhabitants of the planet Hipster dress to be independent of mainstream society and all end up looking the same.

You may wish to know how to spot a hipster.

You must first locate the mothership, usually a tiny underground night club, in a building that most humans would deem unsanitary (don't touch that railing!). You can spot the generic hipster by its plumage - a vintage flannel shirt, V-neck teamed with ridiculously tight pants, as well as their iconic non-prescription eyewear, which outwardly demonstrates their knowledge and intellect. Add a pair of Chuck Taylors, and BAM!, you've found yourself a hipster. "Wait!", you might say, are glasses not a stereotype of intelligence? Wasn't the point of the hipster lifestyle to not to adhere to stereotypes?

To establish the individual in question is indeed a hipster, look at its immediate surroundings. Is there a packet of Parliament cigarettes? A vintage analogue camera fitted with a fish-eye lens, to show artistic talent and ideology? A recyclable cup of coffee? (Not Starbucks, that brand is too mainstream for hipsterdom).

If so you've hit the hipster jackpot! But remember, don't get too excited, they may short-circuit because of exposure to enthusiasm.

Through their religious blogging on websites such as Tumblr, we are able to observe the behavioural patterns of the hipster from the safety of our own homes.

Their interest and idolising of vintage vinyl records, post-modernism, purist Helvetica font, Andy Warhol and triangles, can be seen through posts such as: "I have a post-modernist tattoo of a scalene triangle on my wrist. An equilateral just isn't chaotic enough for my taste and an isosceles is just too mainstream."- Anonymous

(Yet another rejection of social convention - in this instance they have no name.)

However, when it comes to the rest of the world versus the hipsters, will the global invasion "come in peace" then leave, as so many other fashion fads do? A culture based on contradictions seems pointless; but there will always be those who follow even if it doesn't make any sense.

In a land known for its prime lamb exports, will we make like our agriculture and flock to the fads of hipsterdom once it beams on to our shores? We must prepare for first contact.

Kelly Christine Boyd, Year 13, Westlake Girls High School