It has been some time since my last communique from here, deep within The Zone. You remember The Zone, right? The Queensland fruit fly? Come on, you must remember that - it was a big deal in the news for at least a few days, if not a couple of
We're still alive here in The Zone
Subscribe to listen
The outside world needs to know that there are still people alive in The Zone, trying to go about their daily business. Photo / Doug Sherring
We now have MPI-approved retailers for our fruit and vegetables. There are rumblings in certain Grey Lynn circles that this is the Government pandering to big business and the supermarket chains, enabling them to cash in on the suffering of the people by selling them fruit and vegetables at supermarket prices. Mind you, these certain circles said that sort of thing about supermarkets before this all started, so it is kinda hard to see the point of difference.
The yellow bins that are the physical embodiment of our suburb's national shame are still there, on almost every street corner. These days, however, you hardly ever see anyone using them for the purpose our MPI Overlords intended. Maybe, in our winter of despair, we Grey Lynners are eating less fruit. Or possibly we are eating precisely all the fruit we buy. Or maybe, because it is winter, we are eating more brassicas than fruit. Whatever the reason, it is only a matter of time before someone here gets a Creative New Zealand grant to tag the bins with "Free Grey Lynn" slogans.
The MPI, on their website, refer to the Queensland fruit fly as the Q'fly. Is this, some people wonder, the start of a process of making the pest less of a pest by giving it a less threatening insect name? Is this a sign the white flag is being waved and we should learn to love our new Q'fly immigrant?
There is a school of thought, within The Zone, that the recent Blues Super-15 rugby season can only logically be explained by the Q'fly infestation and the fact that the main pitch at Eden Park is half in and half out of The Zone. The logic here is that the Blues players became confused and disoriented running back and forth over the fruit fly border. "Am I going into the Zone now?" Jerome Kaino would think as he charged up the field, swatting aside tacklers in that Jerome Kaino way. "If so, what are my rugby obligations with regards to biosecurity?"
Then Jerome would slow down to think about this and he would get tackled and drop the ball. Personally I think not even the Queensland fruit fly could explain how awful the Blues were this year.
So there you have it, people of Free Aotearoa. There is still life in The Zone and I will attempt to keep you updated on any new developments. Today I have to leave The Zone to go to the airport, to get on a plane to Sydney. Wouldn't it be ironic if somewhere, deep within my luggage, I was taking a Queensland fruit fly to New South Wales? Stick that in your State of Origin and smoke it, Australia.