Gareth the Red Mo'ed Reindeer
As sung by Gareth Morgan
Gareth the Red Mo'ed Reindeer
Had a very small ego
But all the lipsticked reindeers
Were a bunch of thick bozos
*
Gareth tried every approach
Called them dumb and dim
Still he wound up barbecued
Roadkill venison
Fiscal Spells
As sung by Steven Joyce
Dashing through the sand
See some feeble joggers lame
You could stop and give a hand
Or keep laughing all the way
Ho-ho-ho
*
Bill got up again
Focus groups look bright
What fun it is to start digging
In a graveyard late at night.
*
O! Fiscal spells, fiscal spells
Fiscal hole, OK?
O what fun it is to ride
When you're running the campaign.
*
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture, or just let it slip?
Winston Wonderland
As sung by the Deputy Prime Minister
Fake news shills, are you listening?
Winston's back! Mane is glistening
A beautiful sight, kingmaker tonight
Walking in a Winston wonderland
*
Pin stripes fly, and they strangle
All the mothers of scandal
Double-breasted suit, a tardis car boot
Walking in a Winston wonderland
*
In the meadow we can build a strawman
Then pretend that we are under siege
They'll say, "Are you allied?" We'll say, "No man"
And Seven Sharp will have to air my speech.
*
Later on, down the Parrot
Coalesce over claret
To face unafraid, the plans that we've made
Walking in a Winston wonderland
Do They Know Ambitious?
As sung by Judith Collins
Ambitious time, and there's no need to be afraid
Ambitious time, we let in light and cast some shade
And while we love spaghetti, we can crush up something new
Get your cutlery prepared
It's business time.
So This Is Christmas
As sung by Peter Dunne
So this is Christmas, and I'm Peter Dunne
Once In Loyal David's Constituency
As sung by David Seymour
Once in Loyal David's Constituency
David knocked on every door
Found a mother with a baby
Ticked her off, cause she was poor.
Little Drummer Boy
As sung by Andrew Little
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
Just a new deputy, pa rum pum pum pum
Must replace Annette King, pa rum pum pum pum
Anyway you know what happened after that and it's all fine now.
Mārie Te Pō
As sung by Don Brash
Mārie te pō, tapu te pō
Marino, marama
Ko te Whāea, me te Tama
Tama tino, tapu rā
Moe mai i te aio
Moe mai i te aio.
--
This is my last weekly Herald column, if you can call it a column. Many thanks for your company and forbearance, and Merry Christmas.
