NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

Te Radar: Office memos finally of use

By Andrew "Te Radar" Lumsden
APN / NZ HERALD·
2 Apr, 2015 02:03 AM3 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

"A Japanese company has invented the 'White Goat Machine'. This contraption converts used office paper into toilet paper." Photo / Getty Images

"A Japanese company has invented the 'White Goat Machine'. This contraption converts used office paper into toilet paper." Photo / Getty Images

Days spent in the office can sometimes be crap, but all is not lost.

I have no idea what the toilet paper bill is for a large office building, or how much they might use per person on average, but I'd like to know, because toilet paper has been described as one of the greatest excesses of the modern age.

Fortunately a Japanese company has invented the "White Goat Machine". This contraption converts used office paper into toilet paper.

The machine stands 1½ meters tall, weighs 600kgs, sells for a mere $130,000, and can regurgitate a toilet roll created from 40 sheets of A4 in a mere 30 minutes. That makes for some very expensive toilet paper. Assuming you aren't stockpiling them, or selling them as a new venture, you might just break even after a quarter of a million rolls, so long as you don't factor in the electricity needed to run it.

However, you may not have to, because the White Goat Machine could be self-powered. By installing an in-house system to capture the office's bio-waste, then passing it through a bio-digester to harness the methane, it could provide fuel to generate the electricity required to power the White Goat.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Small-scale systems like this are often suggested for developing nations, but maybe it is time for the developed nations to do their bit too. The time has come to literally stop flushing valuable resources down the toilet.

In the future office the White Goat could sit next to rows of urine-powered cell phone chargers. A team at the Bristol Robotics Laboratory managed to figure out a way to charge smartphones using microbial fuel cells, which convert pee into power.

Admittedly it's not a lot of power at this stage, but just think of the teambuilding potential the HR department will endeavor to instill into their manufactured interdepartmental rivalries to compel people to produce more power per quarter.

Quite how one injects the fuel into the chargers I do not know. Still, it can't be rocket science. That would be using anaerobic ammonium oxidizing bacteria to convert the ammonia from urine into hydrazine, which is a rocket fuel.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Who would ever have thought that we all contained a fuel source to power humans into the final frontier? Quite possibly anyone who can understand the previous paragraph.

It's not as if the call to harness urine as a resource is new. In ancient Rome collection vessels were commonplace in the streets, and when they were full the contents were diluted and used as a very effective laundry liquid. Others used it as a tooth whitening treatment, but I'm pretty sure that won't catch on again.

It has to be a better idea than reusable toilet wipes. These washable strips of soft fabric are touted as a modern eco-friendly alternative to toilet paper.

One of the benefits mooted on a website touting the wipes was that they saved you a late night trip to the shop to buy toilet paper. This is not true.

You will be making more trips than ever to buy the laundry liquid required to wash the wipes and restore them to somewhere near reusable.

Even the thought of all of the plastic required to manufacture the ziplock bags needed to haul your used wipes home in order to launder them is enough to put most planet-loving people off the idea.

At least the White Goat Machine can bring a great deal of pleasure to office staff, knowing that all of those redundant HR memos they are feeding into it are being put to a fitting use. They might just want to make sure the staples are removed first though.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

Auckland

New Zealander killed by shark in Australia was not wearing shark deterrent device he owned

12 Jul 10:05 PM
Auckland

Deadly volcanic eruption clouds could travel 15km across Auckland - research

12 Jul 10:00 PM
New Zealand

Nelson-Tasman state of emergency, HIV diagnoses in babies | NZ Herald News Update, Sunday 13 July

From early mornings to easy living

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

'Palpable grief': Motorcyclist who killed two people had 11 previous driving convictions

'Palpable grief': Motorcyclist who killed two people had 11 previous driving convictions

12 Jul 11:00 PM

The couple were walking home when Mark Kimber sped through an intersection and hit them.

‘Life-changing’: Wellington man back on weight loss drug after Medsafe approval

‘Life-changing’: Wellington man back on weight loss drug after Medsafe approval

12 Jul 11:00 PM
New Zealander killed by shark in Australia was not wearing shark deterrent device he owned

New Zealander killed by shark in Australia was not wearing shark deterrent device he owned

12 Jul 10:05 PM
Deadly volcanic eruption clouds could travel 15km across Auckland - research

Deadly volcanic eruption clouds could travel 15km across Auckland - research

12 Jul 10:00 PM
Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky
sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP