When Taranaki woman Emma Corlett was at her lowest point in her meth addiction, she couldn’t even get up and shower some days, let alone put makeup on or walk down a catwalk.
This month, however, the 34-year-old did exactly that, modelling for In Style Live, a new shopping channel launched by Kam Sharma, an Auckland-based producer and director.
“It’s really hard to believe, looking back at the old Emma, to who I am now. I would never have imagined I would do modelling.”
Who Emma is now is a long way away from the meth addict she was for more than five years, she says.
“At my worst, I had nothing. I had lost my family through my addiction, I was spending time with people who, while now I understand they weren’t my friends or ever were, at the time they were all I had. I was in abusive relationships constantly - not just once, but three times. I didn’t feel I had any worth. I would end up with men who were violent because I didn’t believe I deserved better. Looking back actually, a lot of my problems, my addiction, it came from men. Men and bad choices. I was in a terrible place by the worst part of my addiction and I didn’t see it changing.”
Emma had always loved spending time with both her children, and was a good mum when her mental health was stable, she says.
Once she started on “the meth path” however, while her love for her kids never changed, her access to them was limited because of her addiction, something she says added to her feelings of worthlessness.
“I missed so much. I, and they, are really lucky that they have so many people in their lives who have loved and cared for them, and I am so grateful to everyone for it, but for me, in my addiction, not seeing them was really hard.”
Now, Emma is back in regular contact with both children - a boy aged 14 and a girl aged 10, and also has a third child, Wolf, a happy and contented six-month-old boy who she says is one of her main motivations to stay on her recovery journey.
“Watching him grow, it’s part of my own growth. I guess he is our recovery baby.”
“Our” because Emma’s partner, Franz Lindsay, is also a former meth addict.
Emma met Franz through social media, where he was blogging, charting his own recovery journey through his My Great Adventure Facebook page. There he shares regular video and blog updates with his more than 72,000 followers about his recovery from meth addiction and his re-connection with his other two children.
Franz started his page as a way to hold himself accountable, and to leave his children a record of his life to show his love for them in case something ever happened to him.
“Because at some point, it’s going to kill you. I had a friend die, and I started thinking, what if I die - how will my kids know I loved them? So I started video diaries, just so they would know. Then people started saying my story got them inspired and wanted to try recovery and it just grew and grew.”
By the time Emma came across his page, Franz wasn’t just seeing his number of followers increase, but he was making a living through his page.
“With Facebook, when you have enough followers, you start getting paid through the adverts and stuff, so it’s our family income, this plus Working for Families.”
He was selling merchandise with his brand name and logo through the page. It was a way to bring in money, but turned out to also bring in something far more valuable, he says, as it led to him and Emma meeting.
“Emma put up a post saying she had a Riders Against Meth hoodie and now she needed a My Great Adventure one, I was like, sure, you can have one, but you have to come and get it yourself and come on an adventure with me.”
The pair made an instant connection, and are now living together in Stratford, raising Wolf and sharing their story with anyone who wants to hear it.
“Emma started sharing her story on my page, and then that grew, people wanted to know more, to hear her talk more, so now she has her own page too, Missemma307, where she shares her own journey.”
That too is now bringing in money for the couple, enabling them to continue sharing their stories, and hopefully inspiring others to make change in their own lives, says Emma.
“I do find it hard to believe still, that people want to hear from me. They actually subscribe to my page. But it also keeps me accountable and yeah, while I don’t see myself as an influencer, it is about inspiring people, showing them change is possible.”
For Emma, change first became possible when she reached out for help.
“I called my mum, I said I wanted to get clean, and she immediately said she would help. She contacted Riders Against Meth founder Mark Anderson and told him about me, and he came and got me and took me to Rotorua as there was more help there for substance abuse. I also needed to leave Taranaki to distance myself from the people I was associating with and who were still using, in order to make my recovery work.”
Once there, Emma had planned to go into a rehab programme, but there weren’t any spaces available for months.
“So I did it myself. I went to the meetings, to Narcotics Anonymous. I did counselling. I did everything I needed to do with Mark’s support and my mum. My mum has been a huge part of recovery. She didn’t give up on me, she and my sisters have been there for me. When I first reached out to mum, she got Mark to come and get me. My sister and her friend got me packed up, my sister smashed my crack pipe, like that was the end of it. I haven’t touched one since.”
Now clean for 17 months, Emma says her journey into addiction is frightening to reflect on, because it was so easy to slide into - and, she warns, can be for others too.
“That’s why I keep sharing my story, talking about it. Because I am not alone in this. I had various mental health struggles, like anxiety, anorexia, stuff like that, and from there to drugs, it’s not a big step if you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed or lonely. I was moving flats, and had this friend, well, obviously she wasn’t really a friend, but at the time, I thought she was. And she offered me meth, saying it would help me get stuff done, so I tried it. I asked her if it was safe, and she said yeah, it was. But that was it. From that to an addiction, to losing everything, to not being able to get out of bed, just waiting for the next payday so I could buy more meth.”
Social media mightn’t seem the obvious place to find support for recovery given its toxicity for many, but Emma says it has worked for her.
“All the negative comments can be hard, and people do try and pull you down, but I have learned, it’s hurt people who hurt people, so I try and remember that. And my page, it’s got a lot of positivity, I call my followers my friendlies, because they are. I don’t like the word follower, because it’s more of a community, not me putting myself up there like an influencer, but me being honest and sharing my life, and my friendlies are so nice, they support me and I find the negative stuff doesn’t last - the friendlies let them know it’s not okay.”
It was through her page, and connections with other social media bloggers, that led to Emma taking to the catwalk last week. Something the old Emma would never have done, she says.
“My anxiety, anorexia, depression, all of that would never have let me do it. I would have been too scared and thought I wasn’t good enough. I was still nervous, but actually mainly that was around Wolf, because I am breastfeeding him so I was worried about how would he be with all the people there, and how could I look after him while doing it, so my anxiety was from being a mother, not the other stuff. And I think that’s healthy - all mums worry - I have given my mum plenty to worry about before.”
Now, Emma says, her mum doesn’t need to worry about her.
“My life has changed so much. I will never go back to who I was before because I have what I need. I have support. I have Franz and Wolf, and I am spending time with my older two children. I have my friendlies, I have people in my corner, wanting me to succeed. I am going to keep growing, keep recovering, and keep sharing my journey. I am so excited for the future.
“If I could go back to old Emma and tell her anything, it would be that she is loved, and that she is worth more than she thinks. Everyone is.”
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