NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

Steve Braunias: The secret diary of Covid-19

Steve Braunias
By Steve Braunias
Senior Writer·NZ Herald·
13 Mar, 2020 04:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Donald Trump says don't worry about this 'Chinese' flu, America has terrific doctors, very clever people, working on a vaccine. Photo / AP

Donald Trump says don't worry about this 'Chinese' flu, America has terrific doctors, very clever people, working on a vaccine. Photo / AP

Steve Braunias
Opinion by Steve Braunias
Steve Braunias writes for the Listener and Newsroom.
Learn more

COMMENT

DONALD TRUMP

There's nothing to worry about. Okay? More people die at home every day in their beds. But no one's running around calling for beds to be banned, apart from Bernie Sanders. Crazy Bernie! People say to me, "Oh it's mean of you to question his sanity because mental illness is a sensitive topic." But I don't question his sanity. There's no question he's crazy.

As for this virus, we have doctors working on a vaccine, terrific doctors, very clever people, good Americans. So it's not a problem. Everybody, just relax. Go back to your houses. Go home. Don't worry about this Chinese flu.

GRANT ROBERTSON

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The Government is moving as swiftly as we possibly can in designing a scheme that is appropriate to this situation. And that is why I am confident in saying that the exact details will be announced next week, or maybe the week after. And so we'll have more to say soon, and when I say soon, I mean by and by. Or as the younger demographic says: "Chill." You know? Let's get it right. Now is the time for patience.

BACHELOR MIKE ON THE BACHELORETTE (TUESDAY NIGHT'S EPISODE)

This is the wrong place for patience, my friend.

SIMON BRIDGES

Obviously, I realise this is the time for cool heads and a sensible appraisal of all the circumstances, and that's all very well, but it's also an opportunity for me to make outlandish comments simply in order to make a noise. And what I want to say is this: we have to act now to punish the poor and the vulnerable. Only then will the Kiwi way of life be maintained in these dark hours. This is what a competent Government would do and I urge the Prime Minister to come to her goddamned senses!

READ MORE:
• NZ experts paint picture of coronavirus 'worst-case scenario' and how we can prevent it
• Coronavirus: The maths of Covid-19 - and how you can change it
• Coronavirus: How Covid-19 has affected consumer behaviour, spending
• Man in custody at Rotorua Police Station tests negative for Covid-19

JACINDA ARDERN

I will not act on the suggestions of the Leader of the Opposition. I will take my advice from experts in the field of microbiology and other associated disciplines. Let's listen to what Nanogirl has to say.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

NANOGIRL

If you're happy and you know it, wash your hands! Wash, wash! WASH, WASH, WASH, WASH FFS.

THE KIWI HOUSEHOLDER

At the end of the day it's a time to show national pride and right now we've got to show that no one in the world panics as quickly and strips supermarket shelves bare of toilet paper as swiftly as we do.

Discover more

Opinion

Steve Braunias: A week at the Serious Fraud Office

21 Feb 09:10 PM
Opinion

Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of the Hannah Tamaki Debacle

27 Feb 11:13 PM
New Zealand|politics

Tamaki's coronavirus comments slammed as 'dangerous'

02 Mar 05:14 AM
Opinion

Steve Braunias: The secret diary of Covid-19

06 Mar 04:00 PM

THE AUSSIE HOUSEHOLDER

Hold my beer.

DONALD TRUMP

Go back to your houses. Go home. And stay home. Board up the windows and lock the doors. If the phone rings, don't answer it. It could be Europe calling. You don't want to speak to Europe. You certainly don't want China popping in for a cup of tea.

Seen that movie A Quiet Place? A family struggles for survival in a world where most humans have been killed by blind but noise-sensitive creatures. And so they move about their house without making a sound. That's a good idea and easy to put into practice.

Seen that movie Night of the Living Dead? Another good American film, another workable concept, and that is to barricade yourself inside and push the couches and the wardrobes up against the doors and windows in case infected persons try to get in.

If you have a moment, and you think it's safe, then step outside and mix water and cement together to make concrete. Now use it to pave a nice strong foundation. And then start adding layers, and make it higher, and higher, as high as you can go. Because right now is the time to build a wall.

Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealand

'Serious leg injury': Police probe after incident in Murupara

05 Jul 02:08 AM
New Zealand

'Systemic failings': Coroner criticises Oranga Tamariki after 14yo runaway's huffing death

05 Jul 02:07 AM
New Zealand|auckland

'I will f****n' smash you': Kāinga Ora tenant evicted after threats, knife incident

05 Jul 02:00 AM

There’s more to Hawai‘i than beaches and buffets – here’s how to see it differently

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

'Serious leg injury': Police probe after incident in Murupara

'Serious leg injury': Police probe after incident in Murupara

05 Jul 02:08 AM

A man has been taken to hospital after being found with an injured leg.

'Systemic failings': Coroner criticises Oranga Tamariki after 14yo runaway's huffing death

'Systemic failings': Coroner criticises Oranga Tamariki after 14yo runaway's huffing death

05 Jul 02:07 AM
'I will f****n' smash you': Kāinga Ora tenant evicted after threats, knife incident

'I will f****n' smash you': Kāinga Ora tenant evicted after threats, knife incident

05 Jul 02:00 AM
Emergency services scramble as vehicle goes off cliff in Auckland

Emergency services scramble as vehicle goes off cliff in Auckland

05 Jul 01:39 AM
From early mornings to easy living
sponsored

From early mornings to easy living

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP