Are you going to order something to eat?
No, I'm good.
All right. Okay, well, first question -
how are you?
I'm good.
How's the family? Some people think of them as New Zealand's "first family", don't they?
Haha! I don't know about that. We have our moments like everyone else. But we're good.
How's Bronagh?
Oh, she's good.
Your daughter Stephanie is very talented. How's she?
Steph's always been interested in the arts. She's good.
What about your son Max? He seems like a character.
He is! He's good.
You've had a big year.
Yes. It's been good.
National won the election handsomely.
That was good.
How would you describe the New Zealand media?
They get a bit carried away at times but in general they're pretty good.
What kind of relationship do you have with the press gallery?
I think it's good.
What's your feeling about 2015?
I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be good.
Well, thanks for your time, Prime Minister. It's been a pleasure sitting down with you and seeing what makes you tick.
Good.
See you later, then.
Goodbye.
CAMERON SLATER
Whale Oil blogger, Cameron Slater
I interviewed the blogger Whale Oil, in a seven-seater helicopter owned by Wellsford millionaire Tony Lentino, who is bankrolling Slater's news company Freed.
Hello.
Hi. Get onboard and buckle up.
Where are we going?
To have coffee. We're travelling in style. That's how we roll.
Wow. How far are we going?
I hear really good things about the Rosehip Cafe in Parnell.
But that's around the corner from where we are. We could walk.
I have a seven-seater helicopter at my disposal. Get in.
How would you describe your year?
Pretty quiet. Sorry, but that's my phone ringing. I better answer it. Hello? Oh, hi. Where are you? Really? I'm on my way over. Can you order me a long black? Thanks. What would you like?
Are you asking me?
Yes.
Could I have the ham hock ragout, swede hummus, red cabbage and walnuts, please.
And the ham. Cheers. See you soon.
Who was that?
The Prime Minister.
How is he?
He's good.
SIR PETER JACKSON
Sir Peter Jackson
I interviewed Sir Peter at John Key's Parnell home, which he was house-sitting while the Prime Minister holidayed in Hawaii.
I'm a bit hungry. Shall we see what's in the kitchen?
You know that reminds me. I was talking with James Cameron the other day about the future of film-making because we're both innovators, creating cutting-edge stuff, but we both agree that there's one thing that CGI will never replace and that's food. There's always going to be a place for food in a kitchen.
I'd like some food.
Yes, and imagine how much more you'd like it if you saw it in 3D. But it's just a shame that you have to stick on a pair of silly glasses to experience 3D. It seems primitive, doesn't it? James and I talked about this. I said, "How far are we from taking glasses out of the 3D equation?" And he said, "Well, I've seen displays at a laptop size, and a relatively modest plasma size, that works quite well. You just have to situate your head to the sweet spot so you don't get the double image."
While you've been talking, I've found the kitchen.
And our challenge as film-makers is to continue to find the kitchen. It's like I said to James. I said, "You know, film-making is not going to ever fundamentally change. It's about storytelling. It's about humans playing humans. It's about close-ups of actors. It's about those actors somehow saying the words and playing the moment in a way that gets in contact with the audience's hearts. And it's about food."
The fridge is empty and so are the cupboards.
I ate all the food.
MIKE HOSKING
I interviewed the Newstalk ZB and Seven Sharp colossus poolside at the Prime Minister's house in Parnell.
Sir Peter was here a minute ago. He said he was going to get some takeaways.
Is it or is it not time for us to fall on our knees at what that bloke has achieved and say, "Please keep making these endless movies about hobbits with incredibly long battle scenes that go on for ages to the point where you just can't remember who's fighting who but it doesn't matter because the CGI is amazing." Bottom line, he owns a plane. He's got skin in the game. Speaking of winners, what about John Key. In his time as Prime Minister, he's actually managed to drop his handicap from mid-20s to under 12. Is that a guy in full control or what.
I wonder what's taking him so long.
I'll tell you what I think. I think we have to ask ourselves whether time itself has a beginning, and whether it will have an end. I've been looking into it and what I've come up with is a little theory I call the Big Bang. I don't want to make a song and dance about it but it's probably the most remarkable discovery of modern cosmology, and the flow-on is gonna be enormous in terms of jobs, but first we have to have to make an honest assessment of the unemployed and adjust their benefits if they happen to be either a) lazy, or b) fat. I think you'll find the country would save millions in welfare. As for the end of time, it ain't gonna happen. It's all good.
LYDIA KO
Golf sensation, Lydia Ko
I interviewed the golf sensation at a putting range on the Prime Minister's lawn.
Sir Peter isn't back yet.
I want to make this hole. Can you pass me my Odyssey Tank Cruiser 330 Mallet putter, please.
He's been gone ages.
That's a Callaway Mack Daddy 2 Tour Grind (54 and 60 degrees) wedge.
Oh, sorry. Here you go. Look, there goes Mike. Bye, Mike!
That's a Callaway Apex Pro (6-PW) iron.
What about this one? I bet Mike's gone to get something to eat.
Yes, that's it. Thank you.
Shall we get something to eat?
No. I'm busy.
LORDE
Pop music sensation, Lorde
I interviewed the pop music sensation over Skype. She was at her home on the North Shore.
What do you think of Steal my Girl, the hit song by One Direction?
Well, I -
For my money, it was the best song of the year. Just completely dynamic, and what a full, generous production - in contrast to your own records, which are bare, stripped-back.
Yeah, I -
Everyone says that when 1D eventually break up, Harry Styles is the most likely to have a successful solo career. I agree, but I think Zane also has the talent to go far. What do you think?
Um, I -
You seem very mature for your age. Not many 12-year-olds could handle the pressure like you have. Tell me, what does your generation think of Prime Minister John Key?
Actually, I -
As if you've got a political thought in your head! I think you should leave politics, and views on popular culture, to adults. What about baking? Do you like baking? I could go a scone.
I'm sorry, but I have to go.
What a diva!
Goodbye.
DAVID CUNLIFFE
Former leader of the New Zealand Labour Party, David Cunliffe
I interviewed the former Labour leader in the basement of his Herne Bay home. It was pitch black.
Where are you?
In the corner.
Are you all right?
I'm ready to listen to New Zealanders.
What?
What I want to say is this. I'm passionate about New Zealand and as Prime Minister I'm going to create jobs, deliver better health services, provide safer communities and work towards a fairer society.
What?
I don't have a problem with John. I've always liked John. John's good.
I'm just going by touch, but you appear to be chained to the wall. Why is that?
Let me just say this. I believe in the monarchy, and I'm happy to announce that I have the numbers, and the backing, to make a pretty serious claim to succeed the Queen as the constitutional monarch. Furthermore, I -
I ought to go. Where's the door?
Would you do me the courtesy of not interrupting? You've had your turn. It's my turn to talk. Sit down. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you.
KIM DOTCOM
I interviewed the former loveable German poolside at his mansion in Coatesville.
How was your year?
Terrible.
Why is the pool empty?
I don't know.
The front door was open when I arrived and the wind had blown leaves and twigs down the hallway.
Oh well.
Is there a problem?
Yes, there's a problem. It's called John Key. I've got a rap: "John Key / Made my life a misery." What is with you New Zealanders and John Key? It's like he's got all of you brainwashed, including the media. You're all out to get me. You won't rest until you drive me out of my house, out of New Zealand. It's a plot. Why don't the media look into it? Why don't you find out the truth?
Mate, you're not a Kiwi. It's none of your business.
So I should just be quiet?
It's what most of us would prefer.
Then why are you here?
Is there anything to eat?
No.
MONA DOTCOM
Former wife of Kim Dotcom, Mona Dotcom
I interviewed the estranged wife of Kim Dotcom poolside at the Prime Minister's house.
How are you?
I'm great. I absolutely love this swimming pool. It's got so much water in it. Woo-hoo!
Do you know the Prime Minister?
I know his son, Max. He's so much fun. We hang out a lot. I don't know how it gets in the newspapers. Woo-hoo!
What was that? Did you hear that?
I think it's gunfire. Or fireworks! Woo-hoo!
JUDITH COLLINS
Former cabinet minister, Judith Collins
I interviewed the former cabinet minister at the Prime Minister's rifle range.
Oh, it's you. Hello.
I know what you're thinking. "Did she fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, and it's the most powerful handgun in the world, you've got to ask yourself: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do you, punk? Do you?
What?
Just kidding. I've got bigger fish to fry, believe you me.
What does that mean?
I don't think that's any of your business and I refuse to be drawn on whether I intend to put my name forward as the next Prime Minister should John step down or, you know, have a hunting accident.
What?
Oh look. Here comes Cam.
Who's that with him in the helicopter?
Sir Peter, Mike, Lydia, Mona, and Katy Perry. There's one seat left, and it's for me. Goodbye.
Where are you going?
Coatesville. There's a house that's become empty. Happy New Year!
