Sperm donors could become 'third parents'

A proposal which would allow egg and sperm donors to become "third parents" to their biological children drew a mixed reaction yesterday.

Some gay parents welcomed the Law Commission proposals, which would enable a gay sperm donor to become a legal father to a lesbian couple's child.

However, heterosexual couples who have used donated sperm or eggs are less keen on the idea.

Grant Pepper, co-ordinator of the new Donor Conception Network of families that have used donated eggs or sperm, said he and his wife did not want his two girls confused by having two fathers. In any case, the fertility clinic has lost contact with their sperm donor.

"Most of the couples in our group have been open with their children but certainly don't see the donor being involved, and in most cases the decision of the donors themselves is not to become a parent with real responsibilities," he said.

Even some lesbian couples have chosen to use anonymous sperm donors through a fertility clinic and have made other arrangements to give their children male role models.

Two boys who have two mothers but no legal father will be able to acquire a father if the Government accepts proposals in a Law Commission report. The two Wellington boys, aged about 11 and 12, would then have three legal parents.

Their biological father, a gay man who donated sperm to their lesbian mothers, looks after the boys every second weekend and at other times.

But under the law, he has no legal status because he donated the sperm for artificial insemination rather than having sex with the mother.

Law Commissioner Frances Joychild, who consulted about 20 donors and 27 lesbian mothers who had children using donors, said the man should be able to become the boys' legal parent.

"The mother and her partner wanted him to be a legal father," she said. "All the gay men and lesbian women said they believed that if the donor wants to be the father, and that is agreed pre-conception, it should be legally possible."

The father would then have all the rights of parenthood, such as deciding on the children's religion and which schools they attend, for proper control of child and, if the relationship breaks up, for maintenance.

The controversial recommendation has precedents in two American states, but in New Zealand most people donating both sperm and eggs are known to the recipient parents.

"New Zealand leads the world in known donors of sperm for insemination and egg donation," Frances Joychild said.

"It's almost standard that every egg donor and recipient families meet, and it's getting increasingly common in sperm donations.

"When parents tell the children, the kids often want to meet their donors. The fertility clinics are facilitating a lot of meetings between donors and children."

Dr Elizabeth Harding, an Auckland general practitioner, said she and her female partner asked a male friend who did not have children of his own to be a father-figure for their twins, a boy and a girl who turn 8 next month.

"When we actually had the reality of the children, I thought, 'Oh gosh, they really do need a father'."

"He sees them two or three times a week and they stay the odd weekend with him. As far as our children are concerned, they have a dad, but he has no legal relationship with the children and I think he'd like that. As far as our extended families and his extended family are concerned, he is their father."

Legislation which takes effect from July 1 provides that the legal parents of a child born by sperm donation are the biological mother and the mother's partner.

In the case of a donated egg, the legal parents will be the biological father and his partner.

In both cases, the donors have no legal rights over the children.

The report recommends that this rule should stand unless all parties - the donor and both recipient partners - agree to vary it after taking independent legal advice.

But it says a "simple court process" should be available by which all parties could agree, before the egg is fertilised, to treat the donor as a legal "third parent".

It also recommends that donors who make "a knowing and participatory assumption of responsibility for a child" should be liable to pay child support.

Proposed changes

* Compulsory court-ordered DNA testing in paternity disputes.

* Legal "third parent" status for egg and sperm donors if the other two parents agree.

* Legally recognised fatherhood for men in de facto and civil union relationships, not just husbands.

* Confirmation of parents' legal status before birth in surrogacy cases - to avoid complications if the surrogate mother changes her mind after having the baby.