Solo fatherhood tough too, poll of dads discovers

Daniel Phillips, who is raising his 13-month-old son, TK, says solo dads are looked down on. Photo / Natalie Slade

It may not be much comfort for solo mums who feel demonised by society - but solo dads feel exactly the same.

A pioneering study of 13 solo fathers in Auckland and Christchurch has found most do not feel accepted by society.

Like many solo mothers, they also feel isolated. And unlike their female counterparts, many feel unsupported by parent-support agencies such as Plunket.

The Father and Child Trust study is the first to investigate solo fathers' problems in depth, even though they made up 24,000 of New Zealand's 145,000 sole parents in the 2006 Census.

The Census figures show they are older than most solo mothers and more likely to be working.

But the group interviewed for the study were younger, with an average age of 24, and none was in full-time work.

Onehunga builder Daniel Phillips, 28, had to stop work when he took in baby son TK two months after he was born last year.

"I was not happy with the care he was getting from his mum," he said.

But when he took TK into his own care and applied for the domestic purposes benefit, Work and Income made him "jump through hoops".

"I had to get his mother to write a letter to prove to them that I was going to be a solo dad," he said.

Like many solo dads in the study - and many mothers at home with young children - he felt isolated at first.

So he started taking TK out for a daily walk around nearby One Tree Hill.

"To get out and see other people made me feel heaps better."

But his reception, from mothers who were also out in the park with their children, was mixed.

"Since I've been a solo dad I've met a lot more solo dads and we've all come to the conclusion that we're looked down on. It's not very nice, that we're not 'real men'. Whereas I look at it through my eyes - it takes more of a man to stand up for his children than it does for a man to just go to work and put his baby in care."

Mr Phillips, who is now doing a civil engineering degree as well as caring for TK, has found "awesome" support from agencies including Plunket, Barnardos and the Father and Child Trust.

But study author Harald Breiding-Buss said some agencies, such as Parents As First Teachers, did not even have enrolment forms suitable for solo dads. Their form asked for "mother's name" and "partner's name", he said.

"The advice we give to all professionals is that when they work with families they should create an expectation that their service is for both parents."

The Father and Child Trust has a "Fathers' Day jamboree" with barbecue and bouncy castle for all dads and kids at the Onehunga Community Centre from noon until 4pm on Sunday.

GOING SOLO

Number
* Solo dads: 24,036
* Solo mums: 120,996

Aged under 30
* Solo dads: 11.5 per cent
* 23.8 per cent

Aged 30-39
* Solo dads: 29.1 per cent
* Solo mums: 35.6 per cent

Aged 40-49
* Solo dads: 40.2 per cent
* Solo mums: 32.5 per cent

Aged 50-plus
* Solo dads: 19.3 per cent
* Solo mums: 8.2 per cent

Employed full-time
* Solo dads: 59.3 per cent
* Solo mums: 31.0 per cent

Employed part-time
* Solo dads: 8.0 per cent
* Solo mums: 20.6 per cent

Unemployed
* Solo dads: 6.5 per cent
* Solo mums: 8.3 per cent

Not seeking paid work
* Solo dads: 26.1 per cent
* Solo mums: 40.1 per cent

Source: Statistics NZ

ON THE WEB

fatherandchild.org.nz