Photoshop mash-up of Helen Clark and John Key, right, by a clever but unknown satirist. (Via Dannews.co.nz)
Wendy bought their real-deal Christmas tree at the weekend from, as usual, a shipping container outside their local shops. "But this year it's full of bugs!" she squeals. "More than 15 black jumpy spiders, and weird cockroach-like 5cm long creatures, caterpillars and beetles as well. I've never seen anything like it. Lucky we're not arachnophobes. Just hope the trees are from New Zealand and not imported from some foreign land. Any one else had this problem or did we get the lucky bonus?"
Burglar's Christmas wish list
Police in Manchester, England, have revealed a burglar's to-do list of potential targets, found lying in the street after a burglary. Entitled "Lined Up Grafts", the handwritten note details keys to cars which have been left on view, bikes left insecure and accessible to everyone and homes where items have been left on view. The thief also wrote the tools needed to do each job including hammers, screwdrivers and even a coat hanger.
Choc-a-block with choccies
Matthew bought three boxes of Cadbury's Favourites for Christmas presents ..."When I got home they felt a little heavy so decided to weigh them. The boxes marked 300g weighed 350g, 360g and a whopping 400g. Thank you Cadbury's, maybe they're getting into the Christmas spirit?"
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A friend returned to his slightly damaged car in a carpark in Wellington a few years ago and found this note on his windscreen: "I have just gently hit your car while parking. A large number of people were watching and are still watching as I write this note. They think I am leaving my name and other details. We know better, don't we."
Retired electronics serviceman John Mitchell writes: "Just to clarify a misconception that microwave ovens have nuclear power or radiation (Sideswipe yesterday). They don't - a microwave oven produces high-powered RF radiation and excites the water molecules in the food that causes friction between molecules, the friction causes heat, and heat cooks the food. The ants will not have much water in them so they can survive, same with cockroaches."