Living abroad involves a mix of adventure and maintaining connections with those far away. Photo /123rf
A few months back, I wrote about the joys of being a digital nomad. A lot like social media, I’ve tended to highlight the positives of my experience, but it’s not all sunshine and roses.
Don’t worry, this column isn’t Te Pou having a whinge – I’m privileged to be here, and I love the work – but it has also taught me the importance of connection.
Living overseas has often felt like a double-edged sword. On one hand, the allure of new experiences, vibrant cultures and exotic landscapes is undeniably enticing. Social media becomes my canvas, where I paint my adventures, sharing snapshots of breathtaking sunsets, bustling markets, pubs and scenic hikes ... well decent walks in my case.
Yet, beneath the surface of my cheerful posts lies a more complex narrative – one of loneliness and longing for the people I hold dear back home.
While I showcase my travels to friends and family, there’s an emotional toll that comes with being away during significant moments. Missing birthdays, weddings and tangi creates a sense of disconnect that can feel overwhelming. These milestones are to be celebrated with loved ones, serving as reminders of the bonds I cherish. When I’m thousands of miles away, these events take on a different weight. I witness from afar as friends gather, laughter filling the air, while I navigate the bittersweet ache of absence.
Recently, I found particularly hard the illness of a dear cousin and an old mate. Although I’ve video called and sent messages, there’s no substitute for being there.
The question of time becomes increasingly important when I’m away from home. Each moment spent in a new city can feel both thrilling and isolating. I begin to question the importance of life’s fleeting moments: are they worth experiencing alone, or is the true value found in sharing them with those I love?
Recently, a good mate visited and told me how much he enjoyed spending time with me. But, he said, if he could have one wish granted, it would be that his wife, the love of his life who passed recently, was with us to spend our special time together.
The more I engage with the world around me, the more I feel the pangs of nostalgia for the familiar faces and places that once filled my days, and a desire to be part of the fabric of life events, both joyful and sorrowful.
Loneliness, especially in the context of living away from home, often carries a stigma. I feel pressured to present a facade of happiness, showcasing the adventures and excitement that come with living abroad. Yet, I know it’s perfectly normal to feel lonely, even amid the beauty of new experiences. The struggle is real, and it deserves to be acknowledged.
Maintaining relationships from afar is challenging. Phone calls and video chats become lifelines, but they can never fully replicate the warmth of a hug or the comfort of having kai together. Conversations may shift from light-hearted updates to deeper discussions about how much I miss everyone, and a sense of urgency to return home, especially as life’s milestones pass by without me.
As I scroll through social media, it’s easy to forget that behind each post lies a story that often goes untold. The vibrant images may mask the loneliness that sometimes accompanies living abroad. Friends and whānau may not fully grasp the emotional weight of missing out on important events, and I can struggle to articulate my feelings.
One can be lonely in a crowded room. The English language can be limiting. Loneliness, to me, is better described as mokemoke. Feeling of a deep love for those that are with you, for those that are not with you and in particular for those that have passed.
In these moments of solitude, I reflect on what truly matters. Life is fleeting, and I begin to prioritise the relationships that hold significance. I find myself asking difficult questions: who are the people I want to invest my time in? What experiences do I want to share with them? These reflections lead to a renewed appreciation for the connections I have and the importance of nurturing them, even from afar.
Ultimately, living overseas offers a unique opportunity for growth and self-discovery, but it also comes with its own set of challenges. Embracing the beauty of my surroundings while acknowledging the pangs of loneliness can be a delicate balance. It’s a journey of understanding that while I may be far from home, I can still find ways to connect – whether through regular check-ins with loved ones, planning visits, or creating new friendships in my current surroundings.