Quake victim considers new life abroad

Amy Cooney was led from the rubble distressed and bleeding after being with her brother Jaime as he died. She is now planning a break in Brisbane, where her other brother lives. Photo / Simon Baker

Amy Cooney would love to be able to put her earthquake ordeal behind her and focus on fond memories of her brother.

But when there are constant reminders of the day the pair were caught in a collapsing building - with Ms Cooney holding her brother's hand as his life slipped away - she cannot see it happening.

"It probably still hasn't even hit me, really. You just start in survival mode, where you just work out you can get up and do the normal things.

"We have a Port-a-loo right outside our house. And you have 10 aftershocks a day, and even if a truck goes past my heart starts racing and I go weak in the knees.

"Personally, I don't think I can move on in Christchurch. I think that it's just too raw and too hard."

Ms Cooney was working with her brother, father of two Jaime Gilbert, 22 - known to friends as 'Jim Jam' - in central Christchurch's Iconic Bar when the quake struck on February 22.

The pair ran for the street as the building came down, but were caught in the falling debris. Ms Cooney was knocked out, but when she came to she was holding her brother's hand as they lay trapped.

Before being pulled out of the rubble, she felt his grip release as he died.

"I think about it two or three times a day. And it's usually one of the very last things I think of while lying in bed falling asleep. And I actually treasure that. Because I was privileged enough to be beside him, and I was lucky enough to survive, it's taught me to be very grateful and ... it's meant that I have to live my life in honour of him."

Without work since the quake, Ms Cooney has planned a short holiday to Brisbane, where her other brother lives, and while there will consider if that is the right location for a fresh start with her three children.

"I kind of feel compelled to be by my other brother now. I have lost one and I don't want to lose any time with another one. I imagine if I go over my mother would probably follow. If my mother follows, I imagine my grandmother would follow.

"I sort of feel like I owe it to my kids as well. I think they have gone through enough. Jaime was their favourite.

"They have lost their uncle, they have had to be moved into different schools. Their lives are so disrupted, I feel like I owe it to them to give them some normality."

Usually the staunch one in her family, Ms Cooney has had to admit that "my nerves are at the end and I'm vulnerable".

She has the scars on her body to remind her of what happened. Her damaged ankle and fractured cheekbone often swell up.

"If I'm too tired, things start aching. I have to just consider that my body isn't as able as it once was."

About a month ago, Ms Cooney was able to view what was left of the Iconic Bar from the outside.

"When I was knocked out, I didn't really know how long I was knocked out for, or how long I was under the rubble. So when you go there, you want to try to piece together as much information as you can and just to place yourself back in that spot. The longer I stayed there, the easier it became. But at first, I didn't even want to get out of the car."

She wants to one day get back inside the bar to recover a computer holding photos and videos of her brother, and music that he made.

"But because it's in the red zone, I have got no show."