This is particularly true when it comes to adversity. It is often the time when heroism is in the moment, when something bad happens and you make choices about what happens next, because people depend on you to do so.
A journalismintern and I went to Eketahuna on Friday to cover a house fire.
A family of five had escaped the blaze intact but the house was pretty much destroyed. It was a family house; a work of love the parents were restoring and renovating.
The three children, with the absolute confidence the parents would manage the situation, were playing nearby, while the parents showed fire investigators, plus the Times-Age, into the interior.
The fire had been so intense there were holes burnt in the floor. The ceiling had completely gone. Yet everywhere there was evidence of obliterated normality: magazines, boots in the corner, kitchen racks and fruit bowls. The family dining room table and chair remained, frozen in charcoal.
A loss this devastating would reduce people to tears, to despair. The wife was very close to it as we talked about what they had been working on. Yet there is the absolute knowledge that three children depend on the parents to make things right. Three children who could be easily scared if the parents don't give them the security of a united front of strength.
There will likely be a time to grieve for the loss. But those who can say, as an absolute, that family comes first, will find the courage to stand, organise and move on.
Parents do it all the time. Outstanding parents will do it through instinct. But it should be recognised how brave it is to do it, and keep on doing it, knowing a small child or two still expects to be fed and have somewhere warm to sleep at night.
