Beehive Diaries: Sir John Key writes with an apology request, a bright spot for Paul Goldsmith in Act’s Epsom poll, a birthday surprise for Chris Luxon
An email arrived from Sir John Key with a request for an apology for the years of mockery he went through over his “Keyisms” - his tendency to make up new words, or muddle two words together to create a new one. It delivered “textses”,“lewid”, “Afghanistanians”, “scuttlebug” and his vow he would not be “Judge Judy and executioner”.
The master of neologisms attached purported evidence that his English was actually very good: the results of a test on language proficiency that he did as part of his helicopter licence assessment recently.
He wrote: “I can’t help but feel a public apology is in order. Now did I make up a few words, yes. Are there Afghanistanians? Probably not. But it’s official: I have a beautiful grasp of the spoken word in English.”
The test result did indeed state Key’s speech flow was “confident and natural”, his vocabulary range was “broad, nuanced and idiomatic” and even that his vowels and consonants were “enunciated clearly”.
Which, if true, only goes to show he clearly learned a thing or two from the mockery so gently served out.
Pleased to have been of service, Sir John.
Good news of a sort for Paul Goldsmith in Epsom
A little bird tells us that Act’s polling in Epsom has delivered good news for Paul Goldsmith – he has overtaken Labour’s candidate Camilla Belich to move back into second place, albeit still well adrift of Seymour, and mainly because Labour’s fortunes have waned rather than Goldsmith’s soaring.
Although Goldsmith has deliberately and successfully lost the seat to Act for the past five elections, it was nonetheless a tad humiliating to be overtaken by Belich in 2020 as well - she got 4000 more votes than him.
National MP Paul Goldsmith trying to lose the Epsom electorate campaign in 2014. Photo / Jason Oxenham.
Act’s polling in neighbouring Tamaki is also reported to show a close race as Act’s deputy Brooke van Velden tries to unseat National’s Simon O’Connor there.
Meanwhile, National’s Judith Collins also had some polling data for us this week – albeit a slightly questionable scientific measure based on her Beachlands Countdown “focus group”.
Collins said she could predict election results based on how long it was taking her to do her supermarket shop: when people were angry with the government, they stopped her to tell her. “And it’s taking me a very long time to buy my broccoli these days.”
Chris v Chris
A tricky call and a split vote this week – but Chris of the Week goes to Chris Hipkins, despite a patchy performance - and not only because of his impressive retaining wall skills, demonstrated in the NZ Herald’s look into his background.
A landscaping and retaining wall project by Prime Minister Chris Hipkins. Photo supplied
Hipkins managed to regain equilibrium as PM back home after overseas trips and naughty ministers. His roll-out of law and order policies saw a bad execution overshadowing the content, but the main aim was to show voters he was responding to concerns - and to get his head – and team – back in the game.
He did perform well in Parliament and handled the shooting incident in Auckland as well as possible, moving quickly to try to address fears as international eyes were on New Zealand because of the Fifa World Cup.
National leader Christopher Luxon could have easily won had he done anything to outshine Hipkins – whether in Parliament or out. However, he did not – his most notable contribution was hitting the right tone after the Auckland CBD shootings on Thursday.
However, it’s a sitting duck for National to try to blame the government for - and by Friday it was doing just that.
Happy birthday, Christopher “Ronald” Luxon
A birthday for Christopher Luxon delivered a gentle trolling from his team, who gave him a top with the McDonald’s logo on it. It was, one MP told us, both a nod to his past student job at McDonalds and to reflect his enduring fondness for the burgers.
The same MP happily dobbed him in for occasionally getting his drivers to pop into Maccas for a snack while out on the road. It coincided with the NZ Herald’s splash on Luxon revealing his nickname at school was “Ronald.”
Luxon also celebrated with cakes in caucus, including a keto cheesecake his wife Amanda sourced for him in her ongoing mission to try to undo the damage of all those Maccas and platters at his Back on Track public meetings – and to get his eating habits back on track.
His MP, Tama Potaka, was displaying better choices: he swanned into National’s caucus meeting on Tuesday with a cup of tea with three teabags in it: two green tea and one turmeric. Beehive Diaries asked him about the choices later, and he revealed he sometimes re-uses a teabag, and he drinks the herbal options for their health benefits.
April 11: The day of death for new taxes
Finance Minister Grant Robertson must be starting to dread April 11. This week he said April 11 was the day PM Chris Hipkins told him to pull the pin on his plans for wealth tax after months of work on it. Back in 2019, April 11 was also the day a letter from NZ First landed on his desk to tell him they would not support a capital gains tax after months of work on it – and then-PM Jacinda Ardern ruled out a capital gains tax as long as she was PM.
By spooky coincidence, it is also NZ First leader Winston Peters’ birthday.
Finance Minister Grant Robertson answers questions about the demise of his wealth tax plans. Photo / Mark Mitchell
Chris Bishop loses face
National’s latest attempt to make Luxon a friendlier face for voters appears to include social media videos with a bit of banter at the start. This week’s included Luxon and MP Chris Bishop, who put his dignity on the line for the sake of this banter.
Bishop told Luxon he’d pranged his car while reversing in the Parliament carpark – an effort which meant he had to replace the whole door. He said later he was in a hurry and did not see the very large, very concrete pillar next to the car – so smashed his door: right where a large version of his face was splashed on it.
National will be hoping his driving of their campaign is a bit smoother.
Rugby – the round ball, or the pointy one?
Governing parties have long hoped to benefit from happy vibes from voters for an election held during the Rugby World Cup – however, not all Labour MPs appear that keen on it.
Speaking on a law change to allow pubs to stay open for Rugby World Cup games, Whangarei Emily Henderson said she was not big on sport but was “aware that this one involves the round ball — or is it the pointy ball? It’s one of them.” Paul Eagle offered to educate her by letting her read the NZ Rugby magazine he happened to have with him.
