Charlotte*, now a police Sergeant, thought she was going to die one Christmas Eve when her former partner injured her to the point where she needed hospital treatment.
"I stopped struggling and thought 'this is it, I am going to die'.
"I firmly believed he was going to kill me."
She is one of a group of police officers who have bravely opened up about their harrowing, personal experiences of family and sexual violence on White Ribbon Day.
They describe situations such as watching their parents fight as a young child, being abused by a partner or sexually assaulted by a friend.
An average of 14 women a year killed by their partners or ex-partners in New Zealand.
Each year there are more than 3500 convictions recorded against men for assaults on women and one in five women will experience sexual assault or sexual interference at some point in their lives.
White Ribbon Day acknowledges men willing to show leadership and commitment to promoting safe, healthy relationships.
Today five officers have publicly shared their stories in written form, which can be read in full here.
Police staff from the Eastern District have anonymously shared their childhood experiences of growing up in violent homes in audio form. These can be heard in the video at the top of this story.
One staff member said they were forced to watch their mother being abused as a four-year-old, and another remembered having to intervene in an argument between their parents involving a knife.
"I struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder," said one senior Sergeant, who led a local Family Safety Team after leaving an abuser.
She described how a violent boyfriend forced her to have an abortion.
"I was able to connect with women in particular as I understood so many of the feelings they described to me, but it also brought back a lot of feelings I hadn't dealt with and for a period."
Constable Gwydion described how he was raped by a friend.
"I thought I was safe with him, but he used the first opportunity to sexually assault me when we were alone in my apartment."
A forensic officer recalled being " thrown around like a rag doll" by an ex-partner but with the help of a friend and Women's Refuge, she left him.
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster said police officers are not immune to family violence.
"But hopefully by sharing their experiences, they will make it easier for victims of similar violence to come forward and seek help.
"Family violence is one of our country's biggest problems.
"The Joint Venture to Eliminate Family Violence Sexual Violence, of which police are a part, signals our intent to eliminate this problem."
The Joint Venture was established in 2018 with the aim of bringing government agencies together to work on reducing violence.
As part of the police prevention work, safety response teams in Canterbury and Waikato have a focus on all whānau, with access to specialist services to work with high-risk families.
In other parts of the country, Police said they partner with iwi and community organisations within Whāngaia Ngā Pā Harakeke (WNPH).
Under this initiative, police constabulary staff work with social workers, advocates and partner agencies to support families and whānau at risk of harm.
*Some names have been changed to protect people's privacy.
FAMILY VIOLENCE - WHERE TO GET HELP
For anyone experiencing family violence, worried about their own abusive behaviour, or supporting someone else in these situations:
• If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111
• Shine Helpline – now 24/7: 0508 744 633 OR chat online with Helpline staff at www.2shine.org.nz
• Are You OK - 9am to 11pm, every day: 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Women's Refuge – 24/7: 0800 733 843, 24/7 www.womensrefuge.org.nz (for women only)
For anyone worried about their own abusive behaviour:
• 0800 Hey Bro: 0800 439 276 - 24/7 (for men who feel they're going to harm a loved one or whanau member) www.hewakatapu.org.nz/services/0800-hey-bro
For anyone who experiences sexual harm:
• Safe to Talk – 24/7 (sexual harm helpline): 0800-044-334 OR text 4334 – 24/7. Chat online at www.safetotalk.nz