Recently in the Herald leading publicist Deborah Pead said there was a growing theme in politics - it was not an area for the faint-hearted.
“Is the playground too tough? Do we need stronger guard rails? Do our politicians need to be tested for mental resilience? Something needs to change because we can’t keep using stress of the role and mental health to avoid taking responsibility for illegal behaviour.”
Let me answer some of these questions. Yes, the playground in Parliament is tough. And that’s okay. It’s not tiddly winks and robust debate and criticism are part of the job. Personal attacks are not. Threats of violence are not. A sustained ongoing attack is not.
My mental resilience is and was strong, but I am one of those MPs who, for a few months, had to get one of my staff to go through my social media and emails because the abuse was so relentless and personal. To stay able to function I had to not see it or read it.
Just a few weeks ago I posted a photo memory of me with my daughter and granddaughter at a conference. They both live in Australia and I wanted to share a memory. Someone commented that this is grooming and that I am a paedophile.
A recent comment made for no apparent reason: “what a fat evil cow she was then, and still is. All but the fat. Now she looks like some weird overaged punk with a mullet”. While I admire the thought that went into this one is it really necessary?
Or this one “you are a hypocrite, a sniveling lowlife user. A drunk, a druggie, untrustworthy and all round odious piece of sh#t. A life long beneficiary, bludger extraordinaire. Eat sh#t.”
On a really good day, I don’t even register the abuse and even find it amusing. On an okay day I feel sorry for them cause I think they must live pretty stink lives to be giving me this much thought.
On a bad day, I want to pull the duvet over my head and make the world go away. I am embarrassed. Answering them just fuels it. Everybody says ignore it, don’t read it. I go through stages of not looking at social media, but it comes into my email as well.
Many years ago now one of my family members was handed a note at school and told to give it to me. It was a personally abusive message from the mother of the child who passed the note to my family member. The children were 12 years old.
I still get comments based on some absolute lies that someone spread about me. I genuinely think he is unwell and can excuse his behaviour. What I can’t comprehend is it being shared more than 100,000 times and a reputable media company going to report it until I personally spent thousand of dollars on an injunction.
Some of you will say we deserve it. Some of you will find this all amusing. I find it disgusting and it is part of the reason I left Parliament.
I went through times in Parliament when I felt really low and unable to cope. I don’t know if it was mental illness but with the help of a weekend off and time with friends and family, I would be able to get up and go again.
Parliament is not conducive to asking for help. You can’t really share your troubles with anyone, the place just isn’t structured that way. There are too many people inside and out of it who just want to knock you down.
You also can’t talk about it. Even writing this will bring on another deluge. Some will be thrilled that their nasty comments have affected me. Some will think I am playing the victim and I hate that. The only answer is what I used to tell myself - suck it up, buttercup and just hope it doesn’t escalate to the point where you make irrational choices and blow up your whole life.
I don’t have an answer on how to change it. All the reviews in the world won’t change the structure and the blood sport that it is. But something does have to change and talking about it is a good start.
