Stress-free parents on wishlist for kids

By JEREMY REES

Children are often painfully aware of the stresses in their parents' lives, a study of more than 3500 New Zealand children has found.

Like children in working families overseas, children wanted more stress-free time with parents, not more time, says Youth Affairs Minister Laila Harre.

Unveiling findings of a nationwide consultation for developing an Agenda for Children, Ms Harre said children were not concerned "with having parents who worked; just parents who worked too much".

They were aware of what was going on in their parents' lives and its impact on the family.

"Children I spoke to said they really wished either mum or dad could take a day off to spend with them when they were sick. But they understood the financial pressure taking a day off work created."

They understood that their parents' work and the pay cheque "made for a happier mum and dad and a happier home life".

One problem was that childcare responsibilities were not being evenly shared by mothers and fathers, said Ms Harre.

The fathers' contributions in unpaid work at home - like cooking and cleaning - had not increased at the same rate as the mothers' participation in paid work.

The 1996 census showed that nearly a third of women with a baby under one year were working. Half the mothers with children aged one to four were doing some kind of paid job.

Children surveyed said they liked playing sport, having fun, enjoying their lives in a country that was relatively safe, clean and green and with access to a good education.

But some disliked the limitations of age; not being able to drive, buy alcohol or even hold a firearms licence.

Then there was the perennial gripe of not having enough to do.

Ms Harre said: "By far the most frequently mentioned suggestion for improving children's lives was to provide more things for children to do. I think if I were a social researcher interested in children I would be very interested in the issue of boredom - is it new? And if so, is it because children have less to do or is it because childhood is viewed as a more passive period than in previous generations?"

Children aged five to 12 were most concerned about being told what to do and feared bullies. Those from 13 to 17 were worried about not being listened to or taken seriously.

Boys tended to want more sport and recreation opportunities. Girls wanted to be listened to and trusted more by adults.

Maori children, who had concerns about crime and violence, also listed physical discipline as one of the top 10 negative aspects of being a child.

The survey will be analysed by Social Services and Youth Affairs to draw up an Agenda for Children.