I couldn't look away. Suppression lifted and the TV news put Brenton Tarrant's face on the screen for what seemed like the longest time and I stared.
I stared at the scab on his lip. I stared at his bald spot. Even at how short he was.
But I didn't feel angry at the TV news for doing it. Which I thought I would.
I thought I would because we've tried so hard to limit the publication of his name and the ridiculous white supremacist sign he pulled in court. And apart from a few glimpses of his face