Stories making headlines across New Zealand at noon include a man dubbed Dannevirke's dumbest criminal, animal-headed, lab-coat-wearing creatures mixing cocktails in Queenstown and if you happen to have an early 19th-century ship's cannon hidden in your garden shed, Paihia folk would like to know.
While over the breath alcohol limit, David Kendrick returned to his crashed car in a ute at about 4am and attempted to tow it home, but not having much luck he flagged down a passing police car to ask for a hand.
This year's 42 Below Cocktail World Cup theme is "Lab Experiment".
Paihia folks are missing a couple of 19th-century ship's cannon.
As Bryan Cross apparently tried to retrieve a photo of his grandfather from a wall at the Clive pub with a bayonet, hammer and screwdriver, he was zapped by police with a taser.
One of New Zealand's oldest windows has been smashed in a vandalism spree.
Paul Mathew Barr managed to sell the same business three times on Trade Me but buyers got suspicious when they didn't receive what they paid for.
While Tehutana Xavier Oketopa was brutally beating up his wife his daughter tried to stop him so he punched her in the face.
High levels of seal sightings are set to become commonplace in the Bay of Plenty. And so are freedom campers.
About a third of the Bay of Plenty police officers nabbed for speeding in police cars last year had no valid excuse.
The Pongakawa woman crushed by a cow last week is recovering.
Tauranga manager Sandeep Tennyson was convicted of molesting a young woman he took home on the pretext of a job interview but still has his job and maintains his innocence.
The outcome of these tests could have consequences for Segway owners across New Zealand.
The six months just ended have been the second- wettest autumn and winter in Gisborne since official records began in 1937.
Here's a video of compost making with Ann and Ron in Gisborne.
A new Buddhist monastery has opened in Clive.
A German investment group has snapped up Pukeokahu, a hill country sheep and beef station east of Taihape.
A Masterton principal says children who go to school hungry deserve to be fed at school.
Meanwhile the man at the centre of a storm over whether noodles were an adequate meal in police cells has had a warrant issued for his arrest.
Christchurch City Council has no official plans to mark the second anniversary of the magnitude-7.1 earthquake that sparked the seismic sequence that changed the city forever. Meanwhile nearly 5000 Mid Canterbury claims to the Earthquake Commission (EQC) are still awaiting settlement.
Police have seized store security camera footage in a bid to find out if the Upper Riccarton teenager who died from huffing was sold deadly butane canisters.
A disqualified driver, who dropped off his son at school one rainy day in Ashburton, sparked a police chase taking in nine suburban streets.
Ngati Porou East Coast flanker Ben Parkes is in Christchurch Hospital after being mugged outside a pub in Timaru.
Every Arrowtown resident is invited to gather on Buckingham St next month to appear in a photograph that will be buried in a time capsule and dug up again in 2162.
West coast whitebaiters are not having a lot of luck so far this season.
Top trending topics on Twitter in NZ at noon were: #followmetom, #nzfw, #eqnz, Christchurch, Wellington, Auckland, New Zealand and Twitter.