NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather forecasts

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
    • The Great NZ Road Trip
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
    • Cooking the Books
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • What the Actual
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

New Zealand child sexual abuse charity urges parents to not force children to hug and kiss other adults

NZ Herald
18 Dec, 2016 09:08 PM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

A new campaign raises the issue of consent for children.

A new campaign raises the issue of consent for children.

An online campaign urging parents to stop forcing little children to hug and kiss adults against their will is making a special appeal to protect children ahead of Christmas family gatherings.

New Zealand child abuse charity CAPS Hauraki is behind a viral social media campaign warning parents they could be setting up children for a life of abuse if they insist their offspring have no say in hugging or kissing other adults.

The controversial campaign uses a pretty five-year-old girl as the face of every child.

In it she speaks directly to adults about consent and the importance of not being made to dish out hugs and kisses against her will.

"I am 5. My body is my body. Don't force me to kiss or hug.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

"I am learning about consent and your support on this will help me keep myself safe for the rest of my life."

Supporting our children's understanding of body autonomy has a lifelong reach. Let's do all we can to normalise a child's right to do what they want with their own bodies.

Posted by Safe kids, thriving families on Thursday, 6 October 2016

It has been followed with a similar style message in time for Christmas from a grandparent's perspective respecting the wishes of children if they do not want to give a hug or be tickled.

Another message warns a visit to the mall to sit on Santa's lap can be distressing and encourages parents to give their children a choice so they know they are the boss of their body.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The simple but arresting message has sparked a storm on the internet with adults polarised over whether children should be made to kiss relatives and family friends as a matter of respect.

In just over nine weeks it has been shared by more than 51,000 users on Facebook and amassed nearly 500 comments.

The organisation, which works with child abuse victims, said the campaign was not about banning children giving adults hugs and kisses but intended to change community cultural attitudes to consent and body ownership in order to protect children.

It was vital to keep children safe from a life of abuse and was important to normalise a child's right to do what they wanted with their own body.

"We are not against affection. WE LOVE HUGS AND KISSES! But they must never ever be forced upon a child," it posted on its Facebook page.

It has made a special appeal at Christmas time to extended families to not act against children's wishes.

"It is that wonderful time of year when families visit each other- and when we have a golden opportunity to teach our children about consent!! This holiday season we need grandparents and family members who understand that children shouldn't be forced to do things, even harmless hugs and tickles, against their consent."

The organisation also said the message wasn't about "inappropriate touching" but "forcing" children to engage in affectionate behaviour when they clearly didn't want to do it.

It was important children were taught they were the boss of their own body and shouldn't be forced to do anything with it against their will.

"The "inappropriate touch" is another very important message that we get across too. The consent message is about changing the culture here in New Zealand where 1 in 3 girls are victims of sexual abuse by the age of 16. Let's get this straight; we need our children to know that when they say "no" it counts," posted CAPS Hauraki in response to a cascade of comments on its Facebook page.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The messages have drawn a slew of comments from across the globe.

"As a person who works at a sex offender treatment facility and with most of the offenders being family members, some of you need to rethink this notion of teaching your child to comply with family members wishes. Normalising physical affection against their wishes is setting children up for failure," posted Kisha Harp.

"Remember who the majority of child abusers are. People whom your child could have been told to 'give a kiss' or 'give a hug' to when it was unwarranted. Just because they're little doesn't mean they can't decide for themselves. They're people, not just your kids," posted Michelle Lewis.

But the message hasn't met with universal approval by all posters.

"The fact that they aren't old enough to make their own decisions makes children CHILDREN. By following this logic of children "not being forced to do anything they didn't want to" is ridiculous , children need to be taught that compassion and love are important parts of life , and just because they don't "want to " give grandma or grandpa a kiss on the cheek ,doesn't mean they shouldn't," posted Alexa Dolcimascolo.

"This is absolutely terrible advice. Encouraging your kid to kiss and hug their loved ones teaches them AFFECTION. I can understand that many kids are shy when it comes to strangers, as usually a high-five will be sufficient... but to be distant from family members, including parents? How will we be able to trust and love one another when kids at crucial development stages are taught to be distant from one another?" posted
Mario Greco.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealand

Kea Kids: Kids learn to fly at stunt school

New Zealand

Two hotly debated issues focus of locals' feedback on council plan

14 May 05:00 PM
New Zealand

'Immoral': Principals oppose charter school funding amidst education reform

14 May 05:00 PM

Connected workers are safer workers 

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

Kea Kids: Kids learn to fly at stunt school

Kea Kids: Kids learn to fly at stunt school

Meet Auckland’s newest action stars! Reporter Hailey is checking out a real-life stunt school where kids of all abilities are flying through the air and crashing through zombies.

Two hotly debated issues focus of locals' feedback on council plan

Two hotly debated issues focus of locals' feedback on council plan

14 May 05:00 PM
'Immoral': Principals oppose charter school funding amidst education reform

'Immoral': Principals oppose charter school funding amidst education reform

14 May 05:00 PM
Miscarriage of justice: The Peter Ellis case revisited

Miscarriage of justice: The Peter Ellis case revisited

14 May 05:00 PM
The Hire A Hubby hero turning handyman stereotypes on their head
sponsored

The Hire A Hubby hero turning handyman stereotypes on their head

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP