As the country's Stay-At-Home-Dad in Chief arrives in New York with Neve in tow, Travel Editor Winston Aldworth offers some tips for travelling internationally with babies
2. Seriously, don't. What are you? Bonkers?
3. If you absolutely have to travel with a baby (like, say, if your missus is the Prime Minister and she's going to the UN to save the world from itself), then at least make sure you remember to take a grandparent as well. "Hi Nana! Great news — you're going to love pacing up and down the hallway of a hotel in Manhattan!"
4. Pack a bag of lollies and earplugs to hand out to fellow passengers on the plane. Or you could go next level: I once saw an Emirati couple on board an Emirates A380 set up their kids with nannies in Business Class seats, before waving goodbye and buggering off to First Class.
5. Give junior a bottle during takeoff and landing. It'll help to make the pressurisation more bearable for the wee tyke.
6. Find out in advance which of the airplane's toilets has a change table in it.
7. Wear a dark shirt on the plane. This is good advice for most flights, but it's particularly important when you're the passenger most likely to have someone else's vomit on you upon arrival.
8. All the sides of the Portacot have to be clicked into place before you force the bottom bit down.
9. Well, did you check that all the sides of the Portacot have been clicked into place before you tried forcing the bottom bit down?
10. What about that side that's furthest from you?
11. Swearing at the Portacot won't help now, will it?
12. Designate a baby-changing station somewhere in the hotel room as soon as you arrive.
13. Try to book a room with a balcony so whichever parent is watching the baby can at least get a sniff of the destination.
14. Is sleep important to you? Maybe book a suite with a child-free room where at least one parent can get a good night's sleep, or at least sit in peace and quiet and tearfully recall when your holidays were your own.
15. All the sides of the Portacot have to be clicked out before you can raise the bottom bit.