Matt Heath: Dads have gone soft, we're addicted to our children - and I'm guilty

Many dads think of their children as gifts. They see them as a source of happiness. Photo / 123RF

OPINION:

Dads have gone soft. Instead of working late then drinking with mates, many 2022 fathers prefer quality time at home with their kids. Our parenting is an insult to our hardass forefathers.

In the old days, Kiwi daddies were happiest when their children weren't around. Fathers were good keen blokes who preferred doing dude stuff with dudes rather than kid stuff with kids.

Not me. I don't care how good a party is; I'm not going if there's Lego to be built. I'll turn down any work opportunity if it interferes with playtime.

On Friday nights, I'm in bed early ready to get up for weekend father-son activities. Three days into a week without my kids, and I'm at a loose end. I miss them so much. It's pathetic. Past patriarchs would laugh at wussy 2022 daddies like me.

There is an account of a mid-19th-century boy from an English port town. I can't remember where I read it. An intensive Google search came up with nothing, so apologies if I get some details wrong.

From what I recall, the boy sat down for breakfast on his 10th birthday and was told he was in the merchant navy. He hadn't trained to be a sailor or even been on the water, but daddy thought it was time his youngest made his way in the world.

Birthday boy was scrubbing the deck of a clipper by dinner time and crying himself to sleep a few hours after that. This earned him a brutal beating from crewmates. He would never see his family again. The years passed, and dad was proven correct; by 15, the boy had grown into a tough as nails dirty old sea dog. He loved the sailor's life and wrote letters to his sisters and mum about his exciting global adventures. After two decades travelling the world, our hero jumped ship and settled down in Wellington. He opened a shop, married a nice Kiwi girl and penned an angry short story about how much he hated his dad.

The closest I've got to shipping my kids off to sea was renting sea bikes and watching them pedal around from a beachfront bar.

The hardass dad of old didn't pick his kids up from school, watch them play sport or care where they were. He didn't know their teacher's name, their favourite colour or what brand of cig they were smoking.

Children were just a function of being married. A good parent provided food, a roof and a whack with a spoon now and then. That was it. Children were biological excretions. They came out regularly, and you dealt with them.

Contrast that with New Zealand 2022. Many dads think of their children as gifts. They see them as a source of happiness.

Dads like me say cheesy things like: "My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. They give my life purpose."

Soft daddies like me rush home from work excited to see our kids. I organise themed movie nights for mine and spend the afternoon preparing snacks. I'll drive my kids places to spend time with them. I've never smacked either of them and never will. I am interested in what they have to say about the world. It's pathetic.

Dads didn't tell their kids they loved them back in the day. We say it every day. How can we expect to grow hardass Kiwis if our children feel loved? We wonder why young people behave like emotional haemophiliacs. It's our fault - we've gone soft.

My generation of dads is beyond help. We're addicted to our children. We don't have the guts to ship them to the sea on their 10th birthdays. On the plus side, with all the attention we give them, they're obliged to deal with our age-related incontinence when it turns up in a few years.