Trevor Mallard has bowed out of his 35-year parliamentary career by fessing up to accidentally spooning former prime minister Helen Clark while on a plane together.
The incident was one that probably put his career “most at risk”, he said, although admitting “given one or two incidents I’ve been involved in that says quite a lot”.
In his valedictory speech today the colourful Labour MP also revealed his “biggest regret” and achievements, referencing everything from Soviet spies to meetings with the Queen.
He also had some ideas for the current Government, urging reform on Kiwisaver, the Reserve Bank and making housing more affordable.
The public gallery was packed for the speech, many former parliamentarians, and with most Labour MPs and Green MPs present. Few National MPs were in attendance and the front bench was notably empty.
A number of MPs brought their children into Parliament for the valedictory in a tribute to his efforts to make it more family friendly, including Camilla Belich, Steph Lewis and Willow Jean Prime’s daughter Heeni - the first baby Mallard held in the seat.
Mallard said he joined the Labour Party 50 years ago after watching former prime minister Norman Kirk speak.
His mother’s family had benefited from the first State House building programme and his father’s side was involved in the union movement.
His first day in Parliament was “etched” in his memory when the late Sir Robert Muldoon walked past him, still clutching to the prime ministership.
His 2-year-old daughter Beth called out: “Daddy, Daddy there is piggy Muldoon.”
“He replied ‘What’s your name little girl?’”
Later, impressed by his defeat of a National candidate, Muldoon said he’d send him a bottle of whisky.
“Like many politicians’ promises of the era delivery didn’t ensue.”
Mallard thanked Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.
“Of all the colleagues I’ve worked with you have made the biggest difference.”
He noted work on healthy homes reducing child hospitalisation rates, social housing and access to mental health services.
Mallard paid tribute to the two women who he had been married to and supported him.
“In my generation the wives were often the partner who would have been the better MP. Steph was in that category. My biggest regret is that I caused my first marriage to fail in a way that was catastrophic for all involved.”
He noted his children “all talented – in their different ways” and seven grandchildren.
Mallard lamented how select committees had become “rubber stamps” and needed reform.
He also spoke about advocating for more support payments to help families purchase homes. He also had a few suggestions for Kiwisaver.
“The time has come to significantly upscale Kiwisaver,” Mallard said.
This included reversing the opt-out bonus, making it compulsory for all new entrants to the workforce and looking at a flat employer contribution.
Mallard also called for the individual contribution rate to be increased by half the annual increase in real wages until it hits 10 per cent.
As a “left-field suggestion”, he said an extra tool for the Reserve Bank to “wind up or cool down the economy” could be to give them discretion over say the last 2 per cent of individual Kiwisaver contributions.
He spoke of proudly advocating for a family that had, as a result of the Ethiopian-Eritrean war, been scattered over a period of nine years.
He was also proud of the work in 2005 to secure 2011 Rugby World Cup hosting rights. But he also noted the unpopular decisions.
“There are some decisions that are important but will never get popular support,” he said. “I took lots of those decisions, have always had appalling ratings and never really cared. I accept that I’ve never been a good politician.”
He spoke of closing over 200 schools, including one “down the road from home, where I had been a foundation pupil”.
“Because they were in the wrong place, population numbers had changed or communities didn’t value them enough to send their children there. I was never successfully judicially reviewed. Opposition members promised to reopen them but never did so once.”
Mallard mentioned the incident that “probably put my career at biggest risk” when returning from the funeral of Sir Peter Blake in 2001 with then prime minister Helen Clark.
They were on a “Virgin Air 747″ that had been refurbished with some of the first “lie-down business class seats”.
“I woke in the middle of the night and saw the DPS officer winking at me. I presumed he had woken me up.”I was in what might be described as a compromising position.
“We hadn’t put the barrier up between the beds.
“I gently extricated myself and if Helen noticed, she was kind enough to never mention it.”
Mallard was first elected as MP for Hamilton West in 1984 under David Lange’s Fourth Labour government before losing in 1990. Three years later he returned, winning the Pencarrow electorate - now Hutt South.
Under the fifth Labour government of Helen Clark, he went on to hold multiple ministerial portfolios, including decent stints in education and sport.
Under Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s leadership he stepped into the role of refereeing political debate as Speaker of the House.
At each stage of his career though, Mallard made sure he was never far from the limelight.
Among his more silly moments include promoting the restoration of moa in Wainuiomata, through to blasting Barry Manilow’s hit Macarena through loudspeakers at Covid-19 protesters.
His more controversial moments include a scuffle in 2007 with a National MP that landed him in court, and falsely alleging a political staffer of raping another staff member, comments that ended up costing the taxpayer $330,000.
Senior Labour Minister Chris Hipkins said Mallard was someone who he had “enormous respect for who I am enormously frustrated by at times”.
“I regard him as a very good friend, and someone who I’m incredibly grateful to because he has provided me with, through my working life, a number of incredible opportunities that I will always appreciate.”
Mallard held 13 ministerial portfolios, including lengthy stints in charge of education and sport and recreation.
As Speaker he instigated a review of bullying culture, and made the halls of power more child and dog friendly.
But he was never far from controversy, and his antics during the Covid-19 protests - including setting the sprinklers on them - again drew motions from the Opposition of no confidence.
Today a court found Mallard “unreasonable” and “irrational” in trespassing a former deputy prime minister, NZ First leader Winston Peters, from Parliament during the Covid-19 protests.
A fitting “epitaph” is how National MP and fierce parliamentary rival Chris Bishop called the court ruling. “Good” is also what Bishop said after he heard Mallard was resigning as Speaker.
Bishop was even less conciliatory today, his departing words: “See you later.”
He also noted the “symmetry” of Gaurav Sharma’s resignation this week from his Hamilton West seat, which Mallard came into Parliament on 38 years ago.
“One Hamilton West MP departs out the back door as another former MP Hamilton West MP departs out the back door.”
Mallard will be replaced on the list by Soraya Peke-Mason - and that will mean that for the first time ever, Parliament will have as many women MPs as men.
Long-time candidate Peke-Mason will also become Labour’s latest Māori MP from the Rātana Church. The church has in the past been critical of its relationship with the party and low ranking of its members, implying it was taking their support for granted, including Peke-Mason.
After his final day in Parliament today, Mallard is expected to begin his posting in Dublin in January 2023.
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