Six60 singer Matiu Walters. Photo / Jason Oxenham
Well-known Kiwis open up to Jennifer Dann. Here are the best and most poignant answers of the past year.
1. Eric Murray — Olympic rower on separation:
"Rowing probably did play a big part in my split from Jackie. We tried for years to keep things together but we just grew apart. There was nothing happening anywhere else — it was no-one's fault. We just stopped loving each other. We've worked things out really amicably. We share custody of our son Zac. Jackie gave up her career while I was rowing. She's been able to get that back on track now that I can take more responsibility. She's on the road a lot for work, so I do most of the school pick-ups and drop-offs."
2. Matiu Walters — lead singer of Six60 on relationships in the band:
"At the beginning we were in party mode. When it turned serious we had no idea how to deal with that, so we'd seclude ourselves and push the whole thing away. All Blacks psychologist Gilbert Enoka taught us how to work as a team. The language we use to communicate has changed. You need to say what you mean and mean what you say. You can't take anything personally; a compliment can inflate you and a criticism can cut you down. You just have to listen and have the patience and fortitude to hash it out and get to the bottom of things."
3. Jason Hoyte — radio host on marriage:
"When I met my wife Caitlin, we were both young actors with literally no money. She already had a daughter and then we had three daughters together. Looking back, we don't know how we survived. But you find a way of getting through. We've been together 24 years now. My dad gave me some really good advice: Never stop wooing my wife. I think there's truth in that. There's always something more to learn. You change and grow together. Our three eldest have left home, so we've reached a whole new chapter in our life. It's exciting."
4. Bob Mulligan — centenarian on marriage:
"I met my wife during World War II; I was posted to a flying boat squadron in Fiji where Jean was nursing. We were married 62 years. My advice is to work together, do things together. Our bond became stronger when we lost our son Kerry at age 19. We could share our feelings and we had a lot of good friends who rallied around us. People's attitudes toward marriage have changed. They split up and leave the kids to fight for themselves. In my time, you stuck together for the sake of the children."
5. Mark Dye — Heartbreak Island host on online dating:
"The people Heartbreak Island was made for operate in the Tinder world so they're used to being judged on how they look. The show's whole premise is to put that online dating world on television and show people how ridiculous it is. In season one we saw 'cat-fishing' where people discover their date doesn't look anything like their highly-edited photo but then realise they're okay with that. At the end of the day, if you've got a rubbish personality — having six pack abs or an hourglass figure only gets you so far. For a lasting relationship there has to be some substance."
6. Alice Snedden — TV comedy writer on her friendship with Rose Matafeo:
"Our podcast Boners of the Heart is like a recording of our friendship. We met at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and hit it off. Rose suggested the podcast when we were writing Funny Girls. We'd have these weird conversations, mostly about who we wanted to have sex with. Now we just talk about whatever comes up. It's rare these days to put your phone down and have an hour-long conversation where you really listen to what the other person's saying. That's a building block to a fast friendship. We've developed a solid, deep, joyful friendship which is such a gift."
7. Mary Kisler — art biographer on Francis Hodgkins:
"She was engaged when she came home in 1904 but that fell through and it hurt her very badly. She realised that to do her best work she needed to be alone. She did love company in the evening. She enjoyed going to the pub after a good day's work and having a drink with the locals. She had intense friendships. Sometimes she'd 'take agin' with people like her old friend, the gallery owner Lucy Wertheim, who tended to mother artists. Hodgkins didn't want to be owned by anyone. She valued her independence more than anything."
8. Antonia Prebble — actor on her engagement to Westside co-star Dan Musgrove:
"We were part of the same wider group of friends and had always got on well but never forged our own friendship. I thought he was a really good guy but there was never any kind of frisson. It was weird; it was like a little gap opened in the universe — suddenly there was a space that hadn't existed before. It was extremely unexpected for both of us, but we quickly realised it was something special. Since season three, we've lived overseas, got engaged, bought a house and had a baby, so it's fair to say we've been busy."
9. Alex King — radio DJ and daughter of Mike King on boyfriends:
"I've been single for three years. To be honest, I am a relationship girl. I don't do casual relationships — never have, never will. I have to have an emotional connection with someone to be really into it. It's hard being single when all my friends are in long term relationships. Sometimes I'm scared to be on my own but it's also exciting."
10. Bernadine Oliver-Kerby — radio host on friendship:
"I love catching up with friends, but it's a struggle to find time when you're a working mum. I still keep in touch with one friend from Sacred Heart. We might not speak for months, but I'll pick up the phone it's just like it always was. Most of my friends now are other mothers. If you'd told me when I started going to Mainly Music that some of these women would become friends that I'd enjoy socialising with I wouldn't have believed you, but friendships evolve with the phase of life you're in."
11. Megan Papas — radio host on marriage:
"I'm happiest when I'm hanging out with my husband Andrew (Papas) and our dog. We try to spend all our downtime together, even though we work together in our café in Albany. People predicted that would be a struggle, but we work together so well. He's very business-minded and list orientated, whereas I'm creative and all over the place. He copes with stress way better, I'm a nightmare. I'll go quiet initially and not tell anyone what my problem is until I reach boiling point and then I'll explode and tell everyone exactly what my problem is."
12. Peta Mathias — TV chef and author on relationships:
"It has been hard to maintain relationships over the years because I travel a lot. In fact my travelling has been, to a large extent, either because I was running to a man or from a man. There were lots of relationships when I was younger until I decided I had more interesting things to do. I have a big family and lots of friends, so I have a lot of love in my life. I could be happy with a man again, but I would never live with one because you have to look after them. Men are more dependent than women."
* This is Jennifer Dann's last 12 Questions column. Next week, Elisabeth Easther begins a new column — My Story — where well-known and interesting Kiwis reveal insights into their lives.
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