That Guy: World kept in the dark about quiet mandemic

Opinion

Swine flu - what's all that about? From what I can gather we have yet another strain of flu in the country which is likely to make a number of people ill for a while.

My health researcher has informed me that far more people will suffer from normal flu this year than the media darling: the dreaded swine strain of flu.

As I write, 129 people have swine flu in this country and that number is expected to grow. However, 9040 people are officially suffering from the more common flu. That number is also expected to grow, with many other cases going unaccounted.

But what is perhaps most frustrating for this reporter is the fact that, while all the country's media attention and health resources are being wasted on swine flu, other, more harmful strains like Man Flu, are being ignored.

Man Flu, as most of us know, is probably the most powerful strain of flu known to man. It is obviously not a fact known to women because a mutation in their DNA means they are unable to contract it. This same mutation is also responsible for their inability to drive, so you could argue that nature gives a little with the one hand and takes away with the other.

Much like certain strains of haemophilia, women can be carriers but they do not fall ill with the super virus.

It's a fact that last year alone New Zealand had more than 175,000 cases of Man Flu.

"It is not in a man's nature to complain so we suspect that there were many cases of Man Flu that went accounted for," says Dr Hessler from his four-door Mitsubishi Gallant on Brighton Rd.

The cruel irony is the fact this super virus attacks those who are least likely to complain about being infected, and many experts believe this is how the super virus is able to pass on so effectively.

While vast amounts of research dollars are being wasted on swine flu, we are on the brink of a worldwide MANDEMIC.

Many experts believe that if Man Flu goes unchecked once again this year we are risking a total collapse of our economy at best, and the very structure of our society at worst.

So why has Man Flu been ignored by the health department for so long?

Most experts, myself included, believe that the health department is intentionally keeping us in the dark about the super virus for fear of initiating worldwide panic.

Men are the backbone of any economy and we literally can't afford to have vast amounts off work at the one time. It is not in man's nature to complain or take time off so the health department turns a blind eye knowing full well that many will soldier on rather than seek medical assistance or sympathy, but in doing so potentially infect thousands of other healthy men.

This reporter would like to see wholesale changes to the health system, and I believe with the current, largely male-led government we have never been in a better position to see these changes happen in the very near future. Let's just hope it is not too late!