KEY POINTS:
When I worked in the hospitality industry, you saw men and women hooking up all the time.
Once the beer goggles go on, it's all on for young and old - not that anyone actually got down and dirty in my bar. They usually managed to make it
out the door and into a cab before the feverish fumbling started.
Fifteen years ago, which is when I was behind the bar instead of propping it up, things were pretty much as they are today.
You had women of independent means, attractive, confident and stripped of inhibitions through alcohol and chemical stimulants looking for men who were their equals. And the men were willingly found.
For the most part, it was all fun and games, nobody lost an eye and they returned for more the following weekend.
But the sexual hunting ground, like most hunting grounds, can be a dangerous place. Quite apart from the physical health aspects, there can be emotional damage. Intentions can be misinterpreted. In the cold harsh light of day, promises can be revoked. And humiliation can be inflicted, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes not. Then things can turn ugly.
I don't think our court system is designed to deal with modern interpretations of rape. When both parties are as pissed as rats, when a form of foreplay has been conducted, and when one party is adamant that sex did not occur and the other party is just as vehement that it did, it's complicated. How the hell is a court supposed to decide what went on when the participants are hazy themselves?
The prosecution paints the defendant as an evil predator which is simply not the truth. The defence paints the accuser as a hard-drinking old slapper gagging for it which is not the truth either.
Perhaps a form of the French system where an investigating magistrate tries to find answers rather than an adversarial, winner-take-all approach would be better suited for these complex cases.
A number of issues concern me about modern relationships. Why, when men and women are considered to be equally capable of decision-making, does the man have to be responsible for decision making when both parties are drunk? Counselling services put the blame squarely on the man if a drunk woman feels uncomfortable about what happened, no matter how drunk the man happened to have been. Are they conceding that men have superior reasoning abilities?
Why, if you are out with friends, would your friends let you leave with a man they considered predatory? There have been a number of times when I've rescued girlfriends and have in turn been rescued by them from making really bad choices. Wouldn't you stop your mate from making a fool of herself on a couch in a public bar? What sort of friends are they? Why are all women told they are victims if sometimes all they've done is make a bad decision?
I don't have any issue with men and women enjoying each other's company - even if it's just for a night. But with all rights come responsibilities and women, and men, need to take responsibility for their sexual safety rather than go running to the cops when it all turns ugly.
