Greg Dixon's weekend

THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES

Well, what a ripping week for the right wing, eh? First John Banks (and the Act party's) campaign mismanager, Brian Nicolle, bids Banks a fond farewell after he completely stuffed up the Mayor's re-election chances, and then we learned of sordid goings-on at an Act party do back in June. If reports are to be believed, Business Roundtable executive director Roger Kerr has been a very naughty boy, making unwanted phone calls and writing unwanted letters to Act MP Deborah Coddington. It is also claimed he pursued her through the grounds of Parliament after an Act knees-up at the Backbencher Pub. Hilarious. Of course, it could all be lies. Certainly, Coddington has called it codswallop (or do I mean codswallop has called it Coddington?). In any case, we were treated to the ironic sight of Coddington - a self-proclaimed fearless wolverine of the Fourth Estate and the 2002 Qantas magazine feature writer of the year - offering a limp "no comment" about the affair to One News. But I have to say the most amusing element to this embarrassing imbroglio is that the muckraker who broke the story, Colin Espiner of the Press in Christchurch, was last year's co-winner of the Roundtable's $30,000 media scholarship. Do you think they might want their money back?

WHO'S THE DICK NOW

The power of the press, well, it's scary isn't it? Actually no, not when you're the National Business Review. After weeks of trying to convince its vast readership that Dick Hubbard is a no-good capitalistic swine who tells porkies about his business and tries to murder innocent diabetics by using too much sugar, the rag yesterday found itself in the invidious position of reporting a poll it had commissioned that showed its series of Hubbard hatchet jobs haven't made a damned difference. In the front-page story, the NBR reported that its poll has Hubbard a whopping 14 points ahead of John Banks. How embarrassing. And it does pose an interesting philosophical question: if a hatchet job rolls off your presses and nobody believes it, is it defamation?

ANOTHER COCONUT, VICAR?

Crikey, what's this? A pack of parsons about to proselytise among the savage natives of the South Seas? No, this picture, taken this week on Pitcairn Island, shows how all the smartest New Zealand lawyers dress for the tropics. Their pith helmets are off-camera.

TELL HIM HE'S DREAMING

Ever wondered what happened to TV3-TVNZ newsreader John Hawkesby? No, I hadn't either. But I can report that the man who left TVNZ with a $6 million golden handshake and retired to Waiheke is busy trying to flog what he likes to call a "unique vertical", or 40 bottles of the Penfolds Grange poncy Aussie plonk, vintages 1960 to 1999. The asking price? A cool $26,000 ono.

A LAP TOO PHAR

Now the bloody Aussies want the bones of the Greatest Horse Ever Born In Timaru. Yes, Phar Lap. They've already got his heart and his hide - apparently they want the complete set. Once a jolly swagman, always a bunch of thieves.