Editorial: Common courtesies go to the grave

Some customs seem a fixture of civilised life until, quite suddenly, we realise they have disappeared. Many in Auckland, reading the news that funeral processions have fallen victim to "road rage", probably realised for the first time that it is years since they encountered a cortege. And then perhaps it dawned that they have probably encountered many a cortege without recognising it.

Auckland funeral directors say they are tired of vehicles cutting between hearses and mourners and are encouraging families and friends of the deceased to make their own way to the cemetery.

Quite probably the vast majority of drivers cutting into a procession these days have no idea they are doing so. If the procession is moving close to normal traffic speed, as they must if they are not to make urban congestion much worse, the line of cars becomes hard to distinguish in the traffic. And if the traffic is already moving at funereal pace, as happens all too often in Auckland, a cortege will be even more difficult to discern.

It seems suddenly a far cry from the days that a line of slow-moving cars with their lights on brought not only the following traffic to a respectful crawl but caused oncoming vehicles to stop and people on the footpath to pause, doff their hats, and wait for the procession to pass.

That was another age and there is no going back. But might there not be some way that modern life could make room for respect?

The failure in this country seems confined to Auckland so far. In the next largest centre, Wellington, funeral directors find people more considerate. Aucklanders, too, would probably do the decent thing most of the time if processions were more clearly distinguished. Perhaps funeral directors should resist the pressure to go with the flow and slow down sufficiently that nobody could fail to recognise the cortege. At the same time, they should limit the number of vehicles so that traffic is not held up too long.

The pace of modern life is a poor excuse for dispensing with many of the courtesies that previous generations observed. We do not reply to letters as assiduously as people used to, perhaps because email makes the whole business so much easier. We supposedly have no time to maintain regular contact with relatives or send thank-you cards after a dinner party or perform numerous tiresome duties. We are too busy watching television.

A generation ago it was common for people to greet new arrivals in the neighbourhood with a freshly baked cake or a batch of scones. In the city these days we barely know all the neighbours.

At work, and even at home, people used to knock on open doors before walking in on somebody. When they sat down to eat nobody would start until all were served. In fact there were a whole set of table manners that are fast becoming forgotten as families seldom find time to sit at a table together. They are eating with plate on their laps, watching television again.

But all is not lost. There is one courtesy that appears more prevalent now than ever. It has developed especially well where the pressure of modern life is greatest: in Auckland's traffic. Drivers routinely let the next vehicle into merging traffic these days. "Merge like a zip", say the official notices and Aucklanders sensibly do. It is, of course, in everyone's interest but courtesies usually are. Treat others as you would wish to be treated, remains the golden rule.

Could the same rule revive respect for funeral processions? "Imagine if it was you in the cortege behind your mother or father," said one disgusted funeral director. Another observed: "People don't realise that the more stressful they make their lives, the quicker they will end up in the back of one of our vehicles." Now that makes us pause.