A few things have happened this past week that I think, in an interesting way, are all related to each other. We had Waitangi Day, an unfavourable OECD report on suicide and youth offending, and an Asian-language prime-time advertisement on TV3. What these things have in common is that they
reflect who we are and we are deeply in denial about it.
When I saw the advertisement for an education course on air in prime time I sat up straight on the couch and marked it in my head as a watershed moment.
This would challenge the unspoken contract between prime time and dominant culture and predictably the phones at TV3 ran hot. Callers took the opportunity to complain yet again about the number of Asians in New Zealand.
Brits and Australians actually top the immigrant list in this country, with Asians coming fourth by a long way, but they have the disadvantage of being visibly different.
One in three people in Auckland wasn't born in this country, and there are 49 new residents in the city daily. Asian culture is just one of the immigrant cultures taking hold.
I eat their food, buy their clothes, and abuse their driving like I abuse all bad drivers from the window-up comfort of my Japanese car.
That people can be so offended by an advertisement that isn't for them or about them and in no way breaches common decency is amazing. Should I be irate that a men's hair-growth product is being advertised?
I'm not a guy, in fact as a female, I'm always trying to get rid of a fair bit of my hair, not grow it. But advertising isn't just about me and culture isn't just about majority.
One of the annual reminders of just how hard it is to get a racial cocktail right is Waitangi Day.
I didn't watch the news. I didn't attend any events. I feel a bit homeless on the Waitangi issue. It seems all the structures around it are either in the process of being built or being torn down. I'm camped on the curb.
The only public Waitangi event I was involved in was at a local cafe where the ambient dub music had been turfed in favour of a tape of Maori songs.
There was a fair bit of finger tapping on the tables and I could see a lot of people mouthing the words. It reminded me of the old toothpaste ad with Mrs Marsh and her stick of chalk demonstrating Colgate - it does get in.
We are a nation of Maori who need a place, of Pakeha who need a place, of Asians who need a place, Pacific Islanders and many others who look like us and get away with being invisible immigrants but who are all trying to find their place here as well.
The OECD report that brought New Zealand in top of the list on suicides and youth offending has come in for a lot of defensive flack about statistics-gathering methods. But putting aside the means, the message is still there.
Top of the list or second, or even third, we still have appalling suicide figures.
I have known a few people who have committed suicide - with 10 suicide attempts a week among the under-24s lots of people know people.
There are physiological reasons in some cases, in other cases it can't be explained easily for anyone. The people I knew who died, did so because they felt they didn't fit.
They didn't have a place in this wide open paradise. They felt very different in a country that struggles with difference.
There is controversy around talking about the subject publicly, while many professionals agree that getting people to talk is key to suicide prevention.
We are not great talkers about the personal stuff in this country, and we don't have a lot of places for people who feel they don't fit the stereotypes. Ever seen a single beer commercial that was aimed at an emotionally articulate, loving guy?
We live in easily recognisable boxes and don't seem open to the idea that we, as a people, are a lot of things we didn't expect to be. Why? I have no idea, to be honest. Our pioneering roots are blamed for a lot of our myopic, monosyllabic tendencies, but I'm dubious.
If there is a connection between the struggles of Waitangi, the OECD ratings and the reaction against an Asian-language advertisement, it is that we don't seem very accepting of the statistical fact that we are a diverse community.
But no matter how high you build your fence, your neighbour isn't moving because even if the most conservative political group on offer in this country got into power, they wouldn't send anyone home. That's not on the table anywhere.
A few things have happened this past week that I think, in an interesting way, are all related to each other. We had Waitangi Day, an unfavourable OECD report on suicide and youth offending, and an Asian-language prime-time advertisement on TV3. What these things have in common is that they
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