I was out on the harbour a few weeks back for one of the Louis Vuitton races that didn't take place, when up tootled the HMS Phil Warren, the region's tiny clean-up boat.
One of my cruising companions had lost his peaked cap overboard a little while before and we'd all
waved it a final farewell as it bobbed off towards the horizon.
But we hadn't factored in the eagle-eyed floating garbage men, who are sworn to remove every lolly wrapper - and floating cap - from the high seas. And in this case, return them to the litterer responsible.
The amusing incident came to mind when I read last week of America's Cup tourists gagging from the stench of sewage being pumped out of their ferry as it rounded North Head. How Auckland it all is. Can there be anywhere else in the world where local bodies and the local port company would band together and spend more than $100,000 a year to run a boat to pick up the odd passing beer can or plastic bag, yet permit ferries and other boats to pollute the same harbour with loads of raw sewage just 500 metres off their beaches and the downtown city?
Amazingly, it's not as though this can be blamed on historic oversight, an ancient regulation that somehow the environmental watchdogs forgot to update. No, the present sewage discharge regulations are very modern indeed. They came into effect in July 2000 and permit the discharge of raw sewage 500 metres or more from shore in water five metres or deeper.
In the not-always-sparkling Waitemata Harbour, there is just such a window of opportunity between downtown Auckland and Devonport.
The Auckland Regional Council could toughen up the above Government-ordained minimum regulations with a variation to its regional coastal plan.
So far it has shown no inclination to do so. Not even as part of its "Big Clean Up" environmental protection campaign.
This is all going on at the centre of the much-vaunted Hauraki Gulf Marine Park, which was created, after years of struggle, in February 2000 - which, ironically, was just a few months before the regulations were passed allowing the raw sewage discharges.
The bill was signed into law in the presence of America's Cup sailor Sir Peter Blake, who spoke of his love of this beautiful harbour. The then Conservation Minister, Sandra Lee, was full of the significance of the event.
"It is appropriate that the first enactment of this millennium celebrates and protects this special part of New Zealand. This act is a commitment by this Government to future generations about the care for the waters and the islands of the Hauraki Gulf" - a stretch of water, she said, that was "world-famous for its beauty and its natural quality".
World-famous for its ferry boats spewing sewage into the city of sails' frontyard as well, she could have added.
There are pump-out facilities for boats at the main marinas - Westhaven, Bayswater, Gulf Harbour and the Viaduct Harbour, and facilities are being built at Half Moon Bay.
And hopefully the private boating community will make use of them. Although 18 months ago, when I last wrote about the problem, the Westhaven manager said her facilities hardly ever were used, even though they were free.
The big problem though is the lack of facilities at major ferry terminals downtown and at Devonport. For the planned upgrade of the downtown terminal, the ARC is demanding pumping-out facilities be included. But this project still has to go through the whole planning process before it can be built.
In the meantime, the pollution goes on.
Chris Bradley, the managing director of Fullers, the ferry company doing the polluting, was Mr Softsoap when questioned last week. He was, he said, aware of the problem and was working to resolve it.
But haven't we heard that before? Regional councillor Mike Lee certainly has. He recalls getting the same promises from Fullers and Ports of Auckland - who owned the ferry wharf until June last year - when he was jumping up and down about it all back in 1994.
The quick solution would be for Fullers to be a decent corporate citizen and cease its polluting forthwith. It's not as though the lack of pump-out facilities at the downtown terminal is an insurmountable problem. Here the local bodies and the port company could do their bit.
Converting the Phil Warren toy boat into a slops barge would be one possibility. With a change of name, of course. Or if that's not practical, trade her in for something that can do the job.
Alternatively, why not hire a road tanker to do the honours? It's not as though we're talking rocket science here.
At the same time, just to prove it believes its Big Clean Up propaganda - to say nothing of its commitment to the marine park ideal - the ARC should move to toughen up its regulations and ban sewage disposal at sea this side of Rangitoto at least.
Herald feature: Environment
<i>Brian Rudman:</i> Harbour pollution problem demands tougher stance
I was out on the harbour a few weeks back for one of the Louis Vuitton races that didn't take place, when up tootled the HMS Phil Warren, the region's tiny clean-up boat.
One of my cruising companions had lost his peaked cap overboard a little while before and we'd all
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