How to foster harmony in male-female talks

Dealing with the opposite sex at work is about accepting the differences in the ways men and women speak to each other rather than resisting them or trying to force change, says Australian business educator and public relations expert Candy Tymson.

She suggests these strategies. -

For women talking with men:

Speak up for yourself and promote your ideas and opinions. Don't allow men to interrupt or use what appears to you like intimidating behaviour.

Avoid using tag endings to sentences that make you sound unsure of yourself, such as "don't you think"? Don't say "I'm sorry" unless it's really necessary.

Monitor your body language and facial expressions. Be aware of giggling and smiling when it's not appropriate.

Lighten up. Learn to separate business matters from your personal feelings.

Don't take male comments so personally, nor their tendency to challenge. They don't understand why you get riled.

Men are generally interested in just enough information for them to do the job well. Be concise and to the point.

Avoid any unnecessary histories, background explanation or storytelling. And avoid talking personal stuff - it often makes men uncomfortable.

Don't leap in with a simple "solution" to a problem when you don't understand what is involved. Rather, ask for an explanation of the problem. If you have a right to know, a man won't resent being asked.

Don't look for consensus when the circumstances call for direction. There are times when, as a leader, you must lead.

When giving acknowledgement, make it direct and simple, and don't repeat yourself. "Thanks for doing a good job on that" is enough.

When asking a man for support, give him notice you want to speak, and agree on a time to discuss it. Don't interrupt if he's fully focused on something. Be brief and direct, and frame questions with "would you"? rather than "could you?"

For men talking with women:

Invest time in building rapport and be aware that because relationships are important to women, they tend to take comments more personally.

Avoid monopolising conversations, speaking for the woman or interrupting her.

Respect her abilities. Most women take their work very seriously and expect you to take them seriously.

Don't call women names such as "sweetheart", "honey" or "dear", and especially not "mate". They will probably think you're chauvinistic and condescending. Use their names.

Be aware of the subconscious influence of your mother. If you have a negative reaction to a woman at work, notice if you are responding to things about her that remind you of your mother.

Invite input and suggestions and really listen to what women are saying. Offer positive feedback on suggestions and ideas.

Don't lecture to women. Too much information and she will go into overload or shut down. Involve her in the process by talking it through rather than telling her what to do.

Support her growth. Encourage her to attend training and seminars, and join associations and networking groups.

Take the time to acknowledge her. Let her know specifically what you appreciated. "Thank you for the professional way in which you completed that report" means more than "you did a good job".

If you're a man supervising a woman, discuss with her your style of management. Treat her like an equal, trust her abilities, and invest some time in talking about things. Feedback is important.

Ask how she's going and what's happening in her life. And if she has done a good job, compliment her in front of others.

If you have a female boss, observe what style of management she prefers. She will probably have created a team environment, as women are usually more focused on personal power rather than positional power.

She will probably take interest in your life outside work and your aspirations. How much you respond is your choice, but don't regard her as prying.

Women tend to give more nurturing feedback than men. Expect her to offer coaching.

Be supportive. She is probably under a lot of pressure to juggle work and home. Involve her in what you are doing and keep her informed of progress.

Relax. Women are generally more people-focused than task-focused. She wants you to succeed, too.