A comparative study of how men and women go about changing their car's oil has been doing the e-mail circuit in the United States. There are no references to which part of the brain works best. But there are Americanisms - and just the odd grain of truth.
WOMEN:
1. Pull
up to a Jiffy Lube (speedy service centre) when the mileage shows it's 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. Fifteen minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
MEN:
1. Go to an auto parts store and write a cheque for $50 for oil, filter, oil lift (kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that your used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to store to recycle, dump in hole in backyard.
3. Open a can of beer and drink it.
4. Jack up car. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under youngster's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box-end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for filter spanner.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during previous step.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-Eleven; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart drains on to floor.
27. Slide under car but slip with wrench and bang knuckles.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit calendar of Miss December (1992) on left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional four quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands.
38. Accidentally crush one jack stand.
39. Apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled in steps 23-26 and trail oil into house.
40. Drive car.
