Herald columnist and Radio Hauraki breakfast host Matt Heath is taking on a new role as Happiness Editor for our Great Minds mental health project. He will share his own insights in his search for wellbeing as well as interviews with international experts in the field.
"After expressing his appreciation that his glass is half full rather than being completely empty, he will go on to express his delight in even having a glass: It could, after all, have been broken or stolen." - William B Irvine
William B Irvine is a professor of philosophy, a stoic and a best-selling author. I'm too dumb to work out the time difference between Auckland and Boston and book our Zoom call extremely early on my day off. If it wasn't for the writing of Irvine, I might have been stressed, annoyed and riddled with self-hatred over this mistake. Thanks to his books, I laugh it off. If you're looking for less frustration in your life, Prof Irvine is an excellent place to start.
Me: What do you mean when you say we're all living someone else's dream life?
Prof Irvine: There are people on $3 a day who would look at your life and say, 'wow, look at the food and water you have'. You are living their dream. You're also living your ancestors' dream. If you could show your great-grandparents what you have, they would be astonished. You've got an indoor toilet, a fridge, moving pictures in your pocket, you can fly to other lands. They'd assume you are in heaven. We're living their dream life, and we don't appreciate it. Instead, we focus on the things we don't have. There's always something more that would complete us. You want it bad, you get it, and you're happy for a day, and then you need something else. We take for granted things that our ancestors had to live without.
Why are we like this?
You're wired never to be satisfied because your ancestors who were satisfied didn't make it. The guy who said, "I'm going to sit out here on the Savannah and appreciate what I have" - a lion ate that guy. The ones who were constantly incrementally looking to improve their situation did better.
So we're designed for survival, not happiness?
Our civilisation has outgrown the need for some of our wiring. The problem is it's still there. We have to do our best to learn to live with it. That's where negative visualisation comes in. The next time you use the plumbing in your house, imagine not having it. You may feel more satisfied with your life. Instead of going on Instagram and looking at the person in the infinity pool, search up a person living in a part of the world with open sewers. It's a stoic technique where you give yourself a moment to imagine being without something or someone. It has a remarkable effect. You realise 'I have so much'. It makes it possible to embrace the life you find yourself living. It's also good to note that everything you do in life has a last time. Life is finite. If you're about to see a loved one or go to work, take a second and think, 'this could be the last time I ever do this or see this person'. It makes you appreciate things and people. It helps invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent.
You're not suggesting sitting around just feeling grateful. Stoicism isn't passive. Aren't stoics people of action?
Yes, you have a limited number of days left to live. When you get up, you can think, I've got X days left to live, and tomorrow it will be X minus one. I can complete my to-do list today or spend hours on YouTube. We know what makes us feel better.
You talk about a way to enjoy life's setbacks and challenges. Instead of getting angry at a flat tyre, you look at it as a test from the "stoic gods".
Ha ha, yes. From the stoic point of view, a lot of the damage setbacks do to us is self-inflicted, it is our anger and frustration that hurts us most. If we calmly work around a setback, we can instead experience pride. I don't believe the stoic gods actually exist, but I act like they do. I imagine they're testing me. Not because they're mean but because they care. A good coach pushes you, so you improve. You can imagine there are stoic gods who want you to be a tough human who can bounce back because everyone will experience hardship. So, when you have a setback, you can go, 'okay, a test, what do I need to do to get to other side of this?' You choose to take the challenge and do what you need to do in a calm, brilliant way. You can take pride in that. This is true with small things like a flat tyre and the big things in life. You can look back and think, 'I met that challenge'.
Stoicism strikes me as a philosophy with practical solutions. What's something doable people who are struggling can do to work on getting their life back on track?
We have already talked about negative visualisation. Another is Seneca's bedtime meditation. The last thing before you fall asleep, think about your day. Think about the good things you did and think about the bad. Did you make other people smile? Did you let an insult injure you? Could you have dealt with that differently? Treat yourself as a work in progress. Look for the mistakes you're making. You will make mistakes. The question is, are you going to think about doing better tomorrow?
A few hours after the interview, I see a man in an electric wheelchair making his way down my street - his one functional hand pushing a control stick. I walk into the kitchen, accidentally kick the dog's water into his food bowl and send mess flying across the floor. It was annoying. Luckily, I can walk, get down on the ground and clean the mess up. The guy on the street would love to be able to do this. One day I won't be able to do it either. With these thoughts in mind, I enjoy the clean-up.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If it is an emergency and you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
For counselling and support
Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Need to talk? Call or text 1737
Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202
For children and young people
Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
The Lowdown: Text 5626 or webchat
For help with specific issues
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: Call 0800 787 797
Anxiety Helpline: Call 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
OutLine: Call 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) (6pm-9pm)
Safe to talk (sexual harm): Call 0800 044 334 or text 4334
All services are free and available 24/7 unless otherwise specified.
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service. The Mental Health Foundation has more helplines and service contacts on its website.
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