It’s not for the fainthearted, this parenting gig, says new mum Sophie van der Pol.
Especially when you blast off with two at once.
But van der Pol and fiancée Jono Magee, who welcomed son-and-daughter twins in October, are well acquainted with tough times.
Five years ago, target="_self" rel="" title="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/ex-sas-soldier-jono-magees-survival-story-after-skydiving-crash-in-parakai-auckland/VCVPIBQT6VC4ZCTU7NNGQOMV2M/">Magee – then an SAS soldier – cheated death after a manoeuvre he was practising before a civilian sport skydiving competition went wrong, sending him smashing into a Parakai paddock at speeds of 50-100km/h.
In April, the 36-year-old spoke to the Herald about the skydiving trick that was almost his last, leaving him with life-threatening wounds that ranged from a traumatic brain injury to collapsed lungs to multiple broken bones and internal bleeding so severe he’d receive blood transfusions equalling the blood in his body in the 24 hours after the crash.
His mental and physical recovery took years, but always with the support – including necessary servings of tough love – of van der Pol, along with wider family, friends and the Army.
“I sunk into depression at one stage and it was a lot of hard work to pull myself out of there”, Magee told the Herald in April.
“[But] it’s easy to be resilient through this journey when all the support structures are in place to help you.”
Now, some of those structures have been reassembled after the couple became parents to their baby girl and boy, whose faces and names they’ve chosen not to share publicly.
Almost 10 weeks into parenthood and preparing for their first Christmas as a family of four, Magee said in April that he understood the knowing smiles of parents upon first hearing the happy news.
“They kind of had a smile on their face, like ‘You’ve got no idea what you’re in for’. And you always think they’re making a big deal out of it, kind of over-exaggerating, but they’re really not.
“[And] we’re still trying to figure it out.”
Van der Pol, who described parenting as a “tough, but really, really cool” experience that was equally a learning curve “not for the fainthearted”, had asked how it compared with the famously intense SAS training regime designed to develop elite soldiers for the country’s most exclusive fighting force.
But the experiences were incomparable, Magee said, although he conceded both involved sleep deprivation.
“The training, the selection courses and nights out on the town are all pretty good preparation for being a parent … [because] you’re only getting a few hours’ sleep.”
As for jumping out of a plane, there was no comparison with caring for a couple of little people who had just landed in this life.
“[Skydiving] is relaxing. This is hard work, especially as you’re doing all this work and not really getting much back.”
However, the babies were starting to smile and giggle, grandparents’ support had meant the couple had spent only a few days without extra hands, and a Christmas escape was looming.
The twins’ “feed, sleep, poop” routine would roll on as usual, but a Christmas family barbecue would offer a welcome change of environment, Magee said.
“It’s less about the presents and more being around people you love, whether it’s friends or family … and we’ve been stuck in these four walls for so long, it’ll be nice to just go out and be a bit more social and to have that connection again.”
The Auckland couple, whose hope for their children is to guide them to happy and healthy lives, also knew from their experiences the festive season could be tough for those in the midst of challenges.
The answer in their time of need had been found in “our community – [who] were awesome”, van der Pol said.
“Surround yourself with people who want to help and who will help.”
Among the lessons of his accident was that it was okay to ask for help, Magee said.
“I leaned so much on Sophie and our friends and family. If you’re not lucky enough to have that, then sometimes you’ve just got to break it down, like get through to lunchtime, and then get through to dinner.
“Just break it down into those small, repeatable chunks. Small baby steps.”
Cherie Howie is an Auckland-based reporter who joined the Herald in 2011. She has been a journalist for more than 20 years and specialises in general news and features.