Kerre Woodham: Nothing unusual about men peeing in public

There seems to be a certain amount of sympathy for Labour MP Dover Samuels getting caught short in a flash Auckland hotel.

Busting to go to the loo, Samuels tried to enter his room, but found his swipe card didn't work. The duty manager was called, only to find that nature had called first, and Samuels had peed himself.

The MP says there wasn't much he could do - he suffers from prostate problems - although if he'd known there'd be problems with his swipe card he'd have used the dunny downstairs. He says although he's embarrassed he doesn't know what all the fuss is about.

As well he might ask. Men peeing in public is something we're all familiar with. The famous ones, like Dover, Tama Canning and Mils Muliaina, and the not-so-famous ones who spray every Auckland alley, phone-box and stairwell like incontinent tomcats.

There's probably a bit of penis envy here. When you're a bloke it's so much easier to relieve yourself. Peeing standing up has loads more panache - squatting is plain undignified. And I guess men are accustomed from an early age to pee in public. Women are more constrained and restrained, although that dignity is sorely tested during pregnancy. I used to map out my trips to town with military precision when I was heavy with child.

The car trip would take 10 minutes, and there was a loo in the carpark. From there a fast waddle to Smith and Caughey's, and their lovely rest rooms, then a dash to an obliging cafe. Luckily everything returned to normal after the child was born, but from what some oldies tell me, I have a fickle bladder to look forward to in my twilight years.

Sympathy for Dover seems to come from those seniors whose lives are blighted by bladder problems, and young bucks who get themselves so liquored up that they see the whole world as a toilet.

I could thunder on about peeing in public being extreme littering and that it's infantile behaviour that reflects poorly on society, but I'm mindful of the fact that I'm on the wrong side of 40 and I don't want to tempt fate. Keep doing the pelvic-floor exercises, ladies, and we won't find ourselves in the ignominious position of the blokes.


- HERALD ON SUNDAY