Dominic George: Season's griping now merrily over

It's time to relax, spread goodwill and hope for nice weather.

Some light at the end of the tunnel for the hugely important dairy industry with prices up 2.4 per cent at Fonterra's latest auction after a year that's seen prices slashed in half, and some light at the end of the tunnel for me as well as Christmas looms.

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned five pending issues surrounding Christmas that were on the verge of driving me insane: Secret Santa, the annual Santa Parade, Can Drive, the office Christmas party and having to record a pointless jingle at the behest of Farming Show host Jamie Mackay.

Thankfully they're all now issues of the past and I'm no more of a curmudgeon than I was before the whole sordid festive idiocy began.

As I've explained, Secret Santa is essentially spending money you don't have or don't want to part with, on someone you don't really like. Mercifully, some sales manager has decided to purge his conscience of all the year's sinful deeds -- and believe me sales staff are serial offenders here -- by suggesting we each throw ten bucks into a hat and give it all to a charity that gives Christmas presents to kids who otherwise wouldn't get any. An excellent idea.

It certainly won't be enough to get said sales manager past the pearly gates but it's certainly mitigated my guilt for not going on this year's Can Drive. This is where we volunteer to cruise around the streets of the city with emergency services collecting non-perishables for those who could do with a helping hand. It's a brilliant initiative and residents get right in behind it. Alas, I wasn't needed this year but my twin boys ran out with some cans when the sirens reached our street. Conscience clear there.

Next cab off the rank was the Santa Parade. This was a lavish affair that comprised a cast of thousands and required all manner of artistic direction, from choreography and make-up to costume and stage design. I bullied my way into driving one of the fleet of cars assembled for the parade and made sure it wasn't one of the feminine or hairdresser ones.

It was long and boring but I had the twins to keep me company -- entertaining to say the least. I truly dread this event but it's done and dusted for another year so I can breathe easy.

Despite the organisation and kerfuffle that accompanied the Santa Parade, it paled into insignificance next to the utter fiasco that was the office Christmas party.

Here is an abject lesson on how not to organise an event: First, set date, venue and theme. Next, change that date a week later. After that, you change the theme and add a pre-venue into the mix.

You then absorb the disgruntlement of the staff as they rebel against the theme and issue an edict from on-high that non-compliance with the fancy dress code will result in an unnamed punishment.

Of course, when you are all gathered under the one roof with the end of the year in sight, with some free booze and food, it's an instant recipe for a good night -- which is what happened.

And then there was the jingle. The Farming Show crew recorded a jingle for the SealesWinslow jingle competition, the lyrics of which were superbly crafted by Mackay but regrettably fell short of acceptable broadcasting standards. In lieu of this going to air, he then penned another ditty about me and my threat to form a Farming Show union and had it recorded without my knowledge.

Again, it was a rather witty composition and great fun was had by all. The best part was that it was about me but didn't feature me, although as limited as my musical ability is, it is infinitely superior to Mackay's backing vocals on the track -- which are downright embarrassing. He was clearly trying to channel his inner Pet Shop Boy but fell woefully short, at least in terms of the singing.

So, the festive nightmare is over and I can now look forward to heading through to the farm in Central Otago and recharging the batteries over what I hope will be a long, hot summer.

I've had a great time writing this column and look forward to putting pen to paper again in 2015.

Until then, have a safe and Merry Christmas.

Dominic George hosts Farming First, 5am-6am weekdays on Radio Sport.

Rural radio personality Dominic George vents his views here every Thursday.