Covid 19 coronavirus: Birth in a pandemic - 'When baby cries, I cry too'

Migrant and new mother Joyce Lin gave birth at a time of uncertainty and separation. Photo / Alex Burton

The first day home from hospital with baby was the worst, new mother Joyce Lin recalls. There was no food in the house, her husband had to go out on a grocery run, leaving her alone and hurting from her stitches, trying to settle a colicky baby girl who would not stop crying.

Her mother was supposed to be here to help out. In Lin's culture, the first month after birth is an important time, requiring extra care and a special diet, often provided by a parent or extended family member. But the world was grappling with a pandemic, New Zealand was in alert level 2 and its borders were closed to Lin's parents in China.

"When she cries, every hair on my body stands," Lin said, speaking in mandarin from her North Shore home, "Sometimes I cry too, I feel so hopeless."

One month on, the 32-year-old knows her mental health is shaky. Her GP is concerned after the first visit and wants a follow-up in a week's time, asking Lin's husband to keep a close eye on her in between.

Joyce Lin's husband is also struggling with sleep deprivation as an accountant by day and a newborn dad by night. Photo / Alex Burton

Culture shock

Lin is one of an unknown number of migrant women in New Zealand and around the world experiencing birth in the Covid-19 pandemic. The first days of motherhood are a vulnerable time, and migrant mothers giving birth in a foreign country are under the additional strain of separation from family and familiar support systems, on top of the challenges of caring for a newborn, fluctuating hormones, and constant sleep deprivation.

"I can't even go to the bathroom, because baby is crying. No time to sleep, or eat," Lin said with a sad laugh.

Born and raised in China, the financial analyst moved to Auckland in 2017 to join her husband, an accountant at a software company. They have no family and few friends to call for help in the city they call home.

The mainstream maternal care and health system can also be a culture shock for first-time mothers. Migrant mums can be encountering midwives and Plunket nurses for the first time, coming with values, practices and expectations that are foreign to their own, says Kelly Feng, director of counselling centre Asian Family Services.

For instance, it is common practice for New Zealander mothers and their newborns to go out from day one, in contrast to East Asian cultures with the practice of "sitting the month", where new mothers focus on rest and do not leave the house. "What's considered normal in Kiwi culture can be extremely challenging for migrants," Feng says.

Joyce Lin hopes the border re-opens by the time she goes back to work so her baby can be cared for by family. Photo / Alex Burton

'Auntie'

Having a baby may be the hardest thing she's ever done, but Joyce knows she's one of the luckier ones. Things changed dramatically when their live-in nanny arrived that first day. They call her Ah Yi, or auntie in mandarin. For 30 days, she helped care for Joyce and baby, cooking and house work.

But the 30 days are nearly over, and Ah Yi is heading to her next newborn family. She is booked up till May next year, like many other Chinese nannies in Auckland who have become extremely hard to find. These days, whenever a post on social media pops up saying a Chinese nanny is available, a horde of mums jump onto her like a pack of hungry wolves, says Kaitlyn Jiang, a Chinese mother of three who has worked with many nannies, in the time before Covid-19.

Joyce's husband is back at work, and she is terrified of the lonely days ahead with her colicky baby girl.

"I can't imagine what it's like for women who are completely alone, or whose husbands are not as supportive," she said.

Depression and anxiety

Parent and baby support service Plunket has seen an increase in depression and anxiety amongst migrant families this year. Struggling new parents are also part of Asian Family Services' increased caseload since the outbreak of Covid-19, and the charity says the mental health of New Zealand's Asian communities is deteriorating.

"The most important thing for a new migrant mum is to feel comfortable about asking for help ... from their support networks as well as their health professionals," says Vivian Cheung, population health advisor at Plunket, citing research showing that Asian parents tend to go to family or friends first and seek health professionals' help only as a last resort.

"Plunket has Chinese-speaking nurses with interpreters available and these nurses are linked with their local community contacts to help find appropriate support for new parents. There are also Chinese play groups in some areas," Cheung said.

It takes a village

Now 6 weeks old, Lin's baby girl has never met her grandparents, who are dying to see her. Lin had called Immigration earlier on to ask about the possibility of a travel exception for her parents, but never applied because she simply doesn't have the time or energy.

The New Zealand border is currently closed to all but New Zealanders and permanent residents to stop the spread of Covid-19, and exceptions are strict. An Immigration New Zealand spokesperson said it was unlikely that family members of new parents wanting to come to New Zealand to provide support would meet the high bar required for the border exception under humanitarian grounds.

"I just wish the borders can open soon," Lin said, her eyes darting momentarily to the room where her baby is sleeping, thinking she heard a cry. It wasn't.

"In my world it takes a village - two people are not enough for a baby. But here I think you're expected to survive somehow."

Need help?

PlunketLine 0800 933 922 (available 24/7)
Asian Family Services 0800 862 342 (Mon-Fri 9am-8pm)
Rural Support Trust: 0800 787 254
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
Youthline: 0800 376 633
Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.