But a judge said drunken sexual offending plagued the community, in particular women, and anything short of jail would fail to get the message across.
“It simply needs to stop,” Judge Gregory Hikaka said in New Plymouth District Court this week when Gray, 33, appeared for sentencing.
Judge Hikaka said the incident occurred on June 6, 2021, when Gray, a New Plymouth resident, and the victim, who were not known to one another, attended a party in Palmerston North.
Sleeping arrangements had been made for those who wanted to stay and, when the party ended around midnight, Gray went into the living room, where the victim was already asleep on a mattress.
He lay on a mattress next to her, reached into her pyjamas and grabbed her breasts.
The assault woke the woman, who pretended to remain asleep but rolled away from him.
Moments later, Gray unzipped her pyjamas, put his hand into her underwear and sexually violated her.
When she grabbed his hand, Gray told her to “shhh”.
The woman confronted him, waking other sleeping guests in the living room. Gray denied her accusations and said she was lying, causing her to leave the house upset.
When later spoken to by police, Gray denied sexually assaulting the woman but could not explain why his DNA was found in her underwear.
He went on to admit a charge of sexual violation by unlawful connection.
In court, a victim impact statement read on the woman’s behalf detailed the profound effect the assault had on her physically, emotionally, financially and on her relationships.
Conrad Gray was sentenced in New Plymouth District Court. Photo / Tara Shaskey
Her sense of safety has been shattered, she felt vulnerable and anxious and was struggling to find peace and stability.
But she said that, while the road to healing was long and arduous, she was determined to reclaim her sense of self and find peace amid the chaos.
Gray’s mother also made a statement to the court, saying she did not condone her son’s behaviour and acknowledged the woman as a survivor.
She said Gray had been raised in a whānau with strong morals and values, particularly around respecting women.
“We’re a humble family and we don’t come from much and we’ve, my husband and I, worked extra hard to ensure our boys don’t grow up to become stats.”
She said Gray was an active father and whānau member and said they would do whatever it took to support the woman in her healing journey.
Crown prosecutor Jacob Bourke submitted the key aggravating features in the case were the harm caused to the victim, her vulnerability and some level of premeditation.
He said Gray had an issue with alcohol, given his current offending and previous convictions, two of which were for drink-driving.
While Bourke argued Gray’s end sentence should be imprisonment, defence lawyer Julian Hannam submitted the offending could be met with home detention and emotional harm reparation.
Hannam said it was “obviously the case” that Gray has issues with alcohol.
“The offending before the court was very significantly affected by the high level of alcohol he had consumed. In talking with his probation officer, he indicated around about 27 RTD-equivalent drinks, which is a staggering amount.
“It would have to be quite simply the case that, if he hadn’t consumed that alcohol, then the offending before the court would not have resulted.”
Gray was remorseful and home detention would allow him to remain employed, address reparation and undertake counselling, Hannam submitted.
“He is very much aware of the edge of the cliff that he stands upon and hopes not to fall off, in terms of a sentence of imprisonment, the message is well and truly delivered to him around his admitted offending.”
Referencing a pre-sentence report, Judge Hikaka said Gray had assessed his level of intoxication on the night as a “nine out of 10″.
“You described 24 Cody’s as the amount of alcohol you consumed, which is a lot, and there were three Cruisers added to that, and shots and playing drinking games.”
However, Gray had reportedly been sober since early this year and had been left “devastated” by his actions.
While the judge accepted Gray’s remorse, he noted his delay in taking responsibility.
He considered the significant impact on the woman, her vulnerability at the time and the breach of trust.
“This was supposed to be a gathering of celebration and, particularly for the victim, you turned that evening into something that has traumatised her.”
The judge took a starting point of three years’ imprisonment and applied credit for Gray’s guilty plea and an offer to pay reparation before jailing him for two years and two months.
He said a sentence short of imprisonment would not denounce or deter the offending.
“I appreciate that this is not the behaviour of the man that your parents raised and your abuse of alcohol is something that at last, in January this year, you have taken seriously, but there is a clear need to say ‘not good enough’.
“The message needs to be made clear: drunken sexual offending plagues this community, and women in particular, the victims of it, and it simply needs to stop.”
Tara Shaskey joined NZME in 2022 as a news director and Open Justice reporter. She has been a reporter since 2014 and previously worked at Stuff covering crime and justice, arts and entertainment, and Māori issues.
