Cemetery dispute between Whangārei District Council and Ella Donker’s family continues

The grieving process for parents Robert and Kim Donker, whose daughter Ella-Rose died last year, has been disrupted by a dispute with Whangārei District Council over gravesite tributes. Photo / Michael Cunningham

Grieving parents who spoke out against a Whangārei cemetery’s request for them to remove tributes from their teenage daughter’s grave are still waiting on the district council to resolve the matter.

Robert and Kim Donker’s only daughter Ella-Rose was killed at the age of 18 in a single-vehicle car crash caused by a drug-affected driver about 11pm on Saturday, June 10 last year.

Since her death, Ella-Rose’s gravesite in Maunu Cemetery has been a special place for her family and friends to go, with many leaving tributes on her plot. The family also placed a small bench there.

However, the cemetery - owned and operated by Whangārei District Council - objects to tributes being left on the lawn space. Early last month, it asked the Donkers and other families who had similarly decorated their loved ones graves to remove the adornments.

The Donkers considered the request “heartless” and a dispute arose in which they voiced their upset to the Northern Advocate. They wanted more time to grieve before having to clear the tributes.

Ella-Rose Donker's grave in Maunu Cemetery. Photo / Michael Cunningham

The cemetery’s manager Stephen Jenkins said he understood how extremely difficult such a request was for families still feeling the raw emotion of losing a loved one. However, the council wanted to preserve the intention of a lawn cemetery - a peaceful, green and uniform atmosphere, able to be maintained by staff in a discrete, almost invisible way, he said.

He “sincerely hoped” he and the families could find a way to resolve the matter.

Kim Donker, when contacted by the Advocate for an update, said that nearly a month later, the family had not heard anything more from the council and there had been no further requests for the tributes to be removed.

In response, a council spokesperson said it was “continuing to work on the issue and [plans] to be in touch with the Donker family next week”.

Donker said the cemetery’s request had come at a particularly hard time for the family - they were undergoing a restorative justice process with the driver responsible for Ella-Rose’s death and also facing her upcoming birthday. She would’ve turned 19 this weekend.

Meanwhile, 22 year-old Jay Allen Mathewson - the only survivor after he crashed the car he was driving on the Coatesville-Riverhead Highway, West Auckland - pleaded guilty to two charges of causing death while driving under the influence of qualifying drugs. He is due for sentencing in the Waitākere District Court on May 2.

Ella-Rose - a former Whangārei Girls’ High School student, gifted snowboarder and competitive rower - died at the scene. Another passenger died later in hospital.