Caught in the Web

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Getting hooked on the Internet isn't confined to a few computer nerds in America. It's on the rise here - and women are the most likely addicts, writes JENNY FORSYTH.

It's the equivalent of inviting sex addicts to a brothel or holding an AA meeting at the pub. Internet addicts tired of their square-eyed, keyboard-tapping ways need look no further than the Web for counselling.

On Monday the national organisation Relationship Services (or Relate) reached out to Internet obsessives with an online counselling service at www.relate.org.nz. Just e-mail the details of your Internet-induced crisis and help comes direct to your inbox.

The new breed of Kiwi cybertherapists see nothing strange about offering help through the very medium that is swallowing their clients' free time and splitting their marriages.

Sue Hine, of Relationship Services, says: "Internet obsession has become a more noticeable problem over the past 18 months. At least this is an area addicts are familiar with and they'll be able to use it as a tool to overcome their obsession."

Nor do experts worry that the Relate Website might become a favourite - a place to spend hours online in the name of Internet therapy.

"Dependency is always a risk with any form of counselling. There are various strategies we can adopt to keep that in perspective," says Hine.

Though some may regard Internet addiction as another dubious ailment dreamed up to keep therapists in work, Relationship Services says the problem is real.

Fifty-four per cent of New Zealanders have access to the Internet and users spend an average of four-and-a-half hours on the Web each week, compared to three-and-a-half hours a year ago. The national average is, presumably, bolstered by the small percentage of addicts who worship the Web.

Robin Paul, who is on duty for the launch of the online counselling service (free for January), says therapists at Auckland's North Shore office alone have seen six cases involving Internet addiction in the past year.

"There tend to be two scenarios. Some people meet through chat rooms and fall in love. It's like having an affair, then they meet and it's like a whirlwind honeymoon. It's devastating for the person left behind and quite often it has no real foundation.

"I saw one couple who were still together but it was very rocky. He met someone on the Net and went overseas to meet the woman. Then he left his wife and children to be with her.

"In another case I saw recently, a man left his three children to be with a woman [who was] leaving her four children. It's terribly hard on the kids when this happens.

"The second scenario is that a person starts spending more and more time on the Net. They may not meet someone else but they don't spend any time with their partner and of course the relationship suffers."

Such stories in New Zealand appear to be almost urban legends, so ashamed are Internet addicts and their partners. After all, who wants to admit they have a 100-a-day habit (e-mails, that is) or are somehow less alluring than a piece of hardware?

But in America, which has long had a love affair with both therapy and the Net, there is less reservation.

A recent survey of 17,251 Internet users found nearly 6 per cent had some sort of addiction to the medium. They revealed that their online habit contributed to disrupted marriages, childhood delinquency, crime and overspending.

Tap into online addiction sites and you'll find messages such as: "Hello, my name is Bob and I'm a Webaholic."

Witness the plight of Ohio woman Kelli Michetti, who literally became a computer hacker because of her husband's constant online chatting. A meat cleaver through the terminal solved that problem but led to difficulties with the police.

Or, for an example closer to home, read the classic Internet addiction story of Ingrid Parker, a Rotorua woman who became such a slave to the Internet - especially chat rooms - that it took over her life.

She made do with two hours' sleep a night, had marathon weekend computer sessions of up to 17 hours and fell in love with a married man in Oregon, America.

Her computer dream turned to nightmare when she sold up and moved to be with her cyberpal (who had just left his wife), only to be told a week later that the couple were getting back together.

The heartbreaking turn of events gave her the motivation to control her addiction - and write the book Caught in the Web.

Dr Kimberly Young, who set up the Centre for Online Addiction (www.netaddiction.com) in America, studied 396 people she considered psychologically dependent on the Net.

They ranged in age from 14 to 70 and spent an average of 38.5 hours a week on the Web.

Her study, backed by further research in Britain, found that women were more likely to become addicts. So while the old stereotypical addict was a young man who spent hours playing games, downloading software or reading messages on newsgroups, the new image is of a young woman who fritters away hours e-mailing friends, buying books and CDs online, talking in chat rooms and looking for information for next year's holiday.

"I guess I was a typical example of someone hooked on the Internet," says Parker, who now spends just an hour a day online.

"I was coming home at lunchtime to get on the computer. At 6 pm I'd feed my son and put him to bed but all the time I was going backwards and forwards to the computer. Then I'd stay up until 5, 6 am chatting.

"I learned from my experience with romance on the Net that people aren't always what they seem. The guy I met, for example, was very nice but also quite mixed up.

"The trouble is you get lonely housewives talking to someone and they think, 'This guy sounds nice compared to what I've got.'

"But I don't think anyone who is married or in a sound relationship should really be spending hours talking to someone else and ignoring their nearest and dearest."

While Parker provided her own therapy by putting her experiences down on paper, she recommends others take up the online counselling offer, or log off gradually.

"It's like smoking. It's not a good idea to suddenly go cold turkey. People often e-mail me about the problem and I tell them to gradually wean themselves off and not to switch to a scheme where you pay for hours. If they break their resolution all they end up with then is the same old problem plus money difficulties."

Computer whizz Steve Phillips grins at the mention of Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) - he's been there, done that.

Now 28, and a seven-year veteran on the Internet, he spends a mere 10 to 15 hours "for entertainment" on the Web each week.

A few years ago, when he was in the grip of his addiction, that was the amount of time he spent online each day.

"I'd go to polytech and log on at 9 am and sometimes I'd stay online until 9 at night. Then I'd go home and plug in the laptop and stay online until 4 or 5 am," says the Auckland Internet systems maintenance expert.

"You always hear about Internet addicts being isolated but in fact the Web was very social. I wasn't addicted to the Net. I was addicted to the social side of meeting and talking to people every day."

While other Internet junkies spend their hours searching for nuggets of information or downloading MP3 music programmes, the lure for Phillips was the chat service Internet Relay Chat.

"I was doing a computer course and a lot of people on the Net at the time were in computing. It helped a lot."

It didn't help enough, however, for him to pass all his tests. He cheerily admits he failed exams two years in a row because of his Internet addiction.

Later, he also lost a girlfriend who felt the computer was his first love.

"I justified it by saying I was building up a business, but in fact I was just too keen on the Internet."

The habit started hitting hard when he finished his studies and moved back home to Hawkes Bay. Without the support of a school-paid computer, he racked up hundreds of dollars in Internet-related toll bills.

The huge expense, followed by a few months offline while he searched for a job, was the wake-up call he needed.

"When I got access again it didn't have the same appeal any more. Now I use it more as a tool, but I would say a lot of my friends are addicts. One friend was talking about a deal with a set rate for 200 hours of Internet access a month. He said that wouldn't be enough.

"I end up counselling people about it because I've been through it. It definitely isn't worth neglecting real-life relationships for romances on the Net. Often they don't work out."

Phillips should know. A few years ago he became heavily involved with an American woman he had spent a couple of years chatting to.

Wisely, they decided not to make any commitment to marriage until they had met face to face. Phillips spent a month in the United States before they agreed the relationship wouldn't work.

"Because I've been on the Net so long I've got some good friends that I've been chatting to for years. I occasionally meet people I've talked to online at the pub, and I could certainly travel through America on a budget - I know so many people there.

"The Internet is definitely addictive but if you can keep it in control it has advantages, too. Using it can be a steep learning curve so it helps you become very quick at learning. Also there is a huge demand for people in the field of IT and hours on the Internet are great training."