Janet Whiteside has been a palliative care nurse for 27 years and is now sharing her learnings/teachings.
“Palliative care is a privilege. It’s truth, it’s honesty, it’s trust …”
Those are the words of a Bay of Plenty palliative care nurse of nearly three decades, who has fought cancer twice.
Now, Janet Whiteside is sharing some of the conversations she’s had with terminally ill patients throughout hercareer helping to support people during their final days.
At 83 years old, Whiteside is today releasing her book Deeper Engagement: A Conversation Worth Dying For in Rotorua.
The book is inspired by her 27-year career working at hospitals and hospices throughout the region, including nine years at Rotorua Community Hospice.
Whiteside said she retired from the healthcare sector at age 27 but felt she had “unfinished business”.
“I felt that I had stories to tell, and it disturbs me the amount of fear that death and dying creates. I think the only way to get to those deeper levels is to have those deep conversations,” she said.
Whiteside was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 and had radiation therapy.
In 2008, the cancer returned. Whiteside had a bilateral mastectomy and her test results have since been clear of cancer, but Whiteside said she remained “in the remission society”.
Experiencing cancer had shown her “both sides of the fence”, and she could better relate to those who had received a cancer diagnosis, she said.
“The emotional scars have healed, but the physical scars remain. My journey was no different to anybody else’s.”
Whiteside said speaking about death was important to normalise the “inevitable” for every human.
Janet Whiteside with her self-published book Deeper Engagement: A Conversation Worth Dying For, which is based on her decades of experience as a palliative care nurse. Photo / Alex Cairns
Writing and publishing her book was one way to share the stories of those she had “walked alongside” as a nurse.
“There were some stories in the book that will never leave me,” she said.
“My perspective is palliative care is a privilege. It’s truth, it’s honesty, it’s trust, [with] the family, the person and you.
“The bottom line is you can’t change the outcome, but you have an opportunity to make a big difference to the journey.”
Whiteside said if people were only going to “touch the surface” in conversation, they were wasting their time.
Her advice for deeper conversations included having the courage to ask hard questions, listening to others when they were vulnerable and acknowledging what was not being said.
“Asking the hard questions, cutting to the chase,” said Whiteside.
Whiteside said everyone responded to death differently.
People needed to remember their voices were part of their identity, she said.
“Communication is at the heart of everything,” she said.
Janet Whiteside says asking the hard questions should be part of conversations about death. Photo / Alex Cairns
Rotorua Community Hospice clinical director Sue Taylor said end-of-life planning helped people to “come to terms with their situation” and work through their grief.
Taylor said there was “no right or wrong” way to react to death and grief.
“[Don’t be] afraid to have those conversations [which are] open, honest and informed,” she said.
Te Atawhai Aroha - Compassionate Communities Rotorua Trust’s Sarah Downes said speaking about death was important because “100 per cent of us are going to die”.
Downes said planning your own funeral was a “gift and legacy” for families wanting to honour loved ones in a way they would want.
Downes said “having the conversation, considering what you would want and learning the options” for a funeral was one way to help navigate death and grief.
Whiteside’s book launches today from 5.30pm at the Rotorua Community Hospice.
Deeper Engagement: A Conversation Worth Dying For will be sold on the hospice’s website.
Michaela Pointon is an NZME reporter based in the Bay of Plenty and was formerly a feature writer.
