An Aussie woman went viral after pointing out all the excuses men give to avoid condoms. Photo / 123RF
"Don't be a buzzkill." "But I got tested three years ago." "Let's just do it from behind then."
These are just some of the things men have told Australian woman Chloe Burns when she's asked them to put on a condom before having sex.
The 26-year-old received a mammoth response when she shared two videos relaying the excuses on TikTok last month, garnering more than 22 million views and thousands of likes and comments.
"I had seen a similar video on TikTok and it kind of struck me, because I was like, 'You know what? This happens way too often'," Burns told news.com.au.
But she didn't expect her clips "to go viral the way they did".
"It's something that resonated with me because I've only been single for two years – I'd come out of a long-term relationship, so have had what some might describe as a 'hoe phase' – and it was just really alarming how many people would put their own pleasure above someone else's health."
The assumption was that a woman would only want to use birth control to prevent pregnancy, Burns said, and that it was her responsibility to provide it is "mind-blowing".
"One of the responses I'd gotten was, 'Aren't you on the pill?' And I was like, 'Well, yes, but even though I'm on the pill, it's still not 100 per cent [effective]. It doesn't stop sexually transmitted infections or diseases'," she recalled.
"Even when I've asked if they've been tested for an STI/STD, and they tell me they've never had a test in their life – I'm like, 'You're 28 years old and you've never been tested?' That to me is mind-blowing. Because you're not just talking about the person you're sleeping with, you're talking about your own health – and they're not worried about their own health.
"I think a lot of men just assume that a lot of women are on birth control – and even if the women [they're sleeping with] are on birth control, men don't take into consideration the effects that birth control has on women. Horrible, horrible things that women go through.
"I'm not on the pill anymore – I've only recently gone off the pill because of the effects that it was having on my body – and I think that's why I'm so much more strongly wanting to use condoms. But a lot of people probably have it in their head that, yep, it's the woman's job because they're the ones that get pregnant, and it shouldn't be like that."
While the majority of responses to Burns' videos were from women whose experiences reflected her own, "there were a lot of men in the comments accusing me of slamming men, and telling me that 'I can't just say it's men [who do this]' ".
"They're missing the point – I'm only saying it's men because I'm a heterosexual female, so all of my experiences are with men," she said.
"But there are lot of people out there who don't understand the consequences sometimes of having sex. And it falls back onto the education system – growing up, in schools and sex education classes – it comes down to your religion, and also how open you are talking about sex with your parents when you're young."
She said a good example of a lack of education was the issue of stealthing, which is when a man puts on a condom but then removes it during sex without the other person's knowledge or consent.
One in three Australian women and one in five Australian men have been victims of the act, which is now criminalised in the ACT and Tasmania. South Australia is considering making it illegal.
Yet despite how common it is, "I couldn't believe how many people [didn't know] that stealthing is sexual assault", Burns said.
"People are like, 'Yes, I asked a guy to put a condom on and when I wasn't looking he took it off'. That's not okay. But because they don't know any different, and they haven't been told any different, they think that's fine, that this is normal," she added.
"I think just worldwide, the only thing we can do [to prevent things like this] is to stop making sex such a taboo subject; to stop seeing it as something that's bad or that you only do if you're in a relationship.
"We just need to talk about it more. The more education the better. Because it's not just about consensual sex; we're talking about sex that's nonconsensual as well, and people don't understand that what's happening to them might be wrong because they think it's normal."
SEXUAL HARM
Sexual harm - Where to get help
If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it's not your fault.